“Alex, the other girls…” He sighs. “Were nothing. I have never felt for anyone…”
He freezes and I turn instinctively to look at him. I can’t help wondering how many girls could have touched him, kissed him, loved him. How many have laughed with him, joked around with him, slept in his bed?
How many of them could make him happy?
“I’ve tried, you know?” he begins, as my heart rises in my throat. “None of them were you, Alex. For me there’s only ever been you.”
“Oh,” I say, rubbing my hands on my jeans.
He takes his hand off the gear lever and puts it on mine.
“I didn’t think I’d ever be able to let someone in my life. I didn’t want to end up like my dad.”
My hand becomes rigid under his.
“I was stupid because I thought by not seeing you, not looking for you, sooner or later I would have gotten over it. But you were always there, even when we far apart physically, even when I thought maybe I never would see you again.”
I slowly relax and my breathing regularizes.
“You were made for me, Alex. No one else could ever take your place. And I, well…to put it modestly, I am and will always be the only man in your life, like it or not.”
“Truthfully, there was someone else.”
“Details…”
“They’re not just details. I got along well with him, we were a real couple.”
“But you two…didn’t…he never…”
“I don’t think this is the time to talk about it.” I try to close the argument, which is embarrassing both of us as he parks near campus. He turns off the engine, inhales and faces me.
“Did you love him?”
His face is serious.
“I think so…” I whisper. “But not like—”
“—Not like you love me,” he concludes, caressing my face, forcing me to look at him.
His eyes are big, bright and scared.
“I don’t want to put pressure on you or make you feel uncomfortable, okay? Just know that I’m here and I will be for as long as you want me. I would do anything to stay by your side every day of my damned life.”
“And what if I wanted all of it, Jason? What if I want to have you in my life, in every way possible?” I surprise myself with my boldness, scared to death but with hope in my heart.
He smiles maliciously and moves in closer.
“I’d say we could do it.”
