“Talk? Something wrong? Is Rain okay?”
“Yes, Rain is fine. She’s with…she’s with Alex. She’s come back to Dublin.”
I force myself to smile and pretend to be happy about the news. I know she comes occasionally to see her father, but I’ve always tried to avoid face-to-face contact with her.
“Have you…uh, you know, seen her? Are you going to?”
Alex.MyAlex.
I shake my head and sit down on a crate of beer.
“She’d be happy to see you.”
I don’t think so, friend, I really don’t.
“She’s at her father’s anyway. In case you…Oh come on, years have gone by, don’t you think it’s time to face this thing?”
Five fucking years to be exact.
No, I’m not sure I’d be able to face it.
“It’s not just that she’s here visiting Jay. She’s come back to live here and she’s going to be going out with Rain. They need to make up for lost time now that Rain is better. I don’t think you’ll be able to avoid her for very long.”
I let out a sigh and take my time before responding, trying to ignore my accelerating heartbeat.
“Maybe I should…yeah, say hello,” I say, not convinced.
“Say hello?” Aaron shakes his head. “Ah Jay.” He gives me a friendly pat on the back, before leaving me alone to face the memories that eat away at my heart.
I shouldn’t get close to her, I don’t want to hurt her anymore.
I can’t do it, I keep telling myself and I feel a strange agitation rising in me, a nervous mix of excitement because, for as much as I swore to myself I’d stay away from her, for however hard I’ve tried not to think about her all these years, and how I’ve actively tried to forget about her, she’s still here, running in my veins, bringing oxygen to my heart.
—
ALEX
I went to go meet Rain atOnly4You, the pub where she and the guys work. She’s free tonight and so we decided to go there to spend some time together.
We met as young girls, we were neighbors. We all were. Rain was my best friend along with Jason. She hasn’t had an easy time of it after the accident and the death of her boyfriend, Neil. She lost her memory and carries serious consequences which, unfortunately, will not allow her to take up her life where she left off, to go back to teaching and to one day start a family of her own.
But she’s strong and is getting better and now that Liam is back everything is improving. He’s always loved her and although things were on the verge of dragging all of us back in the darkness and suffering, he’s by her side now and he makes her happy and I am happy for them. The pub really brought them together: first through friendship and then love, so Liam has much more than a life in music could have given him.
“What do you think about that guy down there? He comes in three times a week, he doesn’t seem like one of those hopeless drunks…maybe just a part-time easy to manage drunk,” Rain asks me.
“The product does not interest me, madam.” I sigh, taking a sip of my stupid diet coke.
She looks at me and I can see the compassion in her eyes, and I hate it.
“Stop it,” I say, a bit harsher that I intended. “You know it’s impossible for me…”
“Oh come on, Alex. Sooner or later you’re going to have to try again.”
“You want to see me dead?”
Rain goes dark in the face and starts playing with her straw.
She doesn’t like hearing me talk about death, especially when it’s an excuse for me to refuse to do something. I shouldn’t do it. It’s cruel of me to play with her feelings or anyone else’s, but sometimes it’s the only way I have to show people that I don’t need anything and that my life is fine the way it is.
