She sits next to me with a sigh. She rests a hand on my thigh and my muscles relax at her touch. She rests her head on my shoulder and her light breath tickles my neck.
God, I’ll never make it.
“You should have,” she says.
I close my eyes and nod, unable to do anything else.
—
ALEX
I show up at the guy’s house with my overnight bag. I begged my father to go to poker night, which he has given up since I’ve been home, so I asked to spend the night at Rain’s.
Jason answers the door and he stands there like a statue, not making room for me to come in.
“What are you doing here?”
“I…I live here,” he says, confused.
“Yes, I know, but I thought you were going to your dad’s tonight.”
“He had other plans.”
“Oh,” I say, embarrassed. “I understand…so, you didn’t know I was going to be sleeping over here tonight?”
Jason is a mask of surprise and agitation. He moves aside to let me in. I drop the bag in the floor, I lift my gaze and there he is, just wearing a pair of jeans.
I shoot a glance at Rain to interrogate her with my eyes while Jason closes the door behind him, resting up against it.
“I completely forgot, Alex.”
“Forgot what? Forgot that I was coming tonight or to tell me…that he was here?” I say, raising my voice.
I’m taking it out on Rain even if I know it’s not her fault. She always has a hard time remembering things.
She walks over to me and puts her hands on my shoulders to massage them a little, trying to help me relax.
“Don’t get upset, I beg you. Have you eaten? Did you take your medicine?”
Fucking questions.
I shake my head and move away from her massage, because in this moment, she’s my own personal Judah, the traitor.
“Sit down, I’ll order something. Chinese? Fish-and-chips?”
“It doesn’t make any difference to me,” I respond, looking anywhere but at his naked chest. “Is he staying here with us?”
“I. Live. Here!” he says, infuriated.
Perfect. This is the best way to keep away from him.
I sit down on the couch with my legs crossed and pull out a book I was reading today at lunch. Books calm me down, they offer me a way out of every difficult situation. Without them, I’d be lost.
Jason moves around the room and I surprise myself by following his perfectly sculpted body with my eyes, looking at his muscular arms; scrutinizing and guessing at the meaning of the tattoo covering his entire right arm up to the shoulder.
I find myself biting my lip and filling my mind with this insane idea of him and me, in another time and place where I didn’t know about my illness and where he hadn’t abandoned me in the hospital.
He leaves the room and goes upstairs, not showing me his face and making me sink back down briskly into my reality, but he returns after a few minutes,thank God, with a T-shirt on.
