7
JASON
“A short break, ladies and gents and we’ll be right back,” I announce at the microphone, before setting down my guitar and heading over to Liam.
“The audience is better tonight than usual,” I tell him, trying to distract from his one-track thoughts, but how can I blame him? I find myself in the same position, maybe worse. “Nights like these are good for getting back the spirit of the group,” I add, hoping he’ll concentrate on us.
Liam is so in love with Rain that when she’s not here, within eyesight, he gets all out of sorts. He’s always nervous that something’s going to happen to her and he’s terrified at the idea of losing her again and I think he always will be.
After everything that’s happened, I don’t think it could be otherwise.
Rain has some linguistic difficulties. She can’t express herself perfectly and not everyone understands her the first time. She’s easily lost in her mind and sometimes she’s not able to get out of her head for hours. She’s been living with this condition for a while and I know she knows how to get along and we all try not to suffocate her, but when she goes to the city, in the crowds, Liam is a mess of nerves and he only calms down when he can hold her again.
“Hey…I know you’d like to be somewhere else right now, maybe with someone with long copper hair, but just for another hour, let’s concentrate on this, what do you say?” I try to move him.
I understand how he feels and I can’t hide that I also worry about her when she’s gone for many hours at a time, but she does have the right to live her life and do what she wants.
Liam isn’t listening to me at all. He lifts his shoulders and goes to the counter.
That’s when I look around the room and my eyes remain locked on who just walked in the door.
Oh God, help me not to fall apart now that someone else needs my help.
Liam sets his beer that he was about to drink on the counter and runs to Rain, who opens her arms for him and I can’t take my eyes off the person who is standing next to her.
We get on stage again, check our instruments and prepare for the next song we’ve got on the line-up for tonight.
Before starting, Liam looks up and smiles. I follow him with my eyes but then lose the trail because mine come to a halt when they meet hers.
And I understand how Liam must feel. I understand his torment. I understand his suffering. I understand his love.
I understand every damned part of it.
I never said I’d lie and wait forever… If I died, we’d be together… I can’t always just forget her… But she could try.
What is karma? A fucking joke of destiny?
And all the things that you never ever told me… And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me.
Great choice in songs, guys. Nailed it.
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me… For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me… If I fall… If I fall (down).
NO, I’m not just falling, damn it. I’m falling apart, miserably and inevitably.
I’m falling apart here in front of everybody.
In front ofher.
How is this supposed to work? How do you continue to live when you know the person you’d give everything to, even your own life, is there, a few meters away from you and you can’t tell her how you feel, you can’t hold her close to you because all it would do is hurt her?
How can you live like this?
Liam looks at me and his eyes are full of love and hope and I can’t help but smile back and be happy for him and Rain. I am so happy for them, because Liam finally came home and it seems like he’s the guy he used to be and Rain can have a real life full of love with him.
And Alex?
What’s she going to have?
