No doctor has ever forbade me from having a boyfriend, a relationship, even having sex. And yet, I just feel that with him, I couldn’t have all that, because what I feel for him is just too intense, too devastating, and surely too dangerous.
For me and for him.
My love for him is uncontrollable.
Lethal.
I get up suddenly from the bar stool and Jason jumps to his feet at the same time.
“What…did I say something?”
“No, you didn’t say anything. It’s just I can’t. Try to understand me.”
“You can’t talk to me?” he says, wrinkling his forehead.
“I can’t get so close to you,” I confess, determined. “I’m sorry.”
I back away as quickly as possible without looking back because I know he’s standing there, watching me go—watching me as I distance myself from him and my emotions that are trying to bring me down.
From this love that I will never be able to live with, that I will never be able to touch and never be able to cancel.
I could live my entire life without emotions because nothing can provoke the same goosebumps, or undermine me and invade my being like his big, lost eyes.
Nothing can hurt me more than his love.
