“Haven’t you already run into each other?”
“Yes, well…”
“So you’re going to try and avoid him forever then?”
“No, of course not. But the last time was so strange and embarrassing and…painful. I’m not sure I can do it.”
“If you really don’t feel like seeing him, it’s no big deal, Alex, I don’t want you to get upset about it, that’s the last thing you need.”
No, it’s not what I need and it’s not necessary for me to see him to think of him. I haven’t stopped thinking about him since I’ve come back.
I thought I was stronger than that. I figured that the distance between us would have helped me to forget thatusthat never really was, that has remained suspended in the moment, just waiting to mix with faded memories that with the passage of time could hurt a bit less.
And yet, that’s not how it went, despite my efforts.
It never stopped hurting me, it was like one of those deep, thick scars that reopen if you try breathing too deeply, that bleed at night, as you turn in your cold, empty bed that you would have liked to have shared with the person you think of every damned instant of your days.
I hang up, saying goodbye, conscious of the fact that I will not be able to stay away from him.
And that I can’t think about anything else but him.
And that I’m still, painfully, in love with him.
Andonlyhim.
“Hi,” I say.
“Hey! You came!” replies Rain.
“My father brought me.”
“I’m glad you’re here. The guys will be too.”
“Hmm. You think so?”
“Surely at leastone of themin particular.”
I smile to myself. Rain is so sincere that at times she just floors me.
She doesn’t have any filters, and I love her for that, because she’s so real.
“And thatsomeonehas already noticed you,” she adds after a few seconds and I don’t know if I have enough courage to lift my glance and look at him.
“Hi.”
His voice is like a caress on my face.
“Hello.” I smile, because despite the agitation I feel, I can’t pretend not to be happy to see him.
“I’m going to talk with Liam.” So saying, Rain leaves us alone and suddenly I’m not sure it’s a good idea to be so close.
“How…are you?”
There it is, the same old question.
“Fine,” I force myself to say. “Don’t think I’ll die today,” I conclude, feeling like a jackass immediately for my choice of words.
“Don’t do it,” he responds in a serious voice. “Don’t joke around about it. Don’t joke around with your life.”
