That’s when he notices me. His eyes find mine and he stops talking instantly. He leaves the grip of those who are trying to restrain him and stands immobile a few feet from me.
The others around us disappear, sucked into something bigger than they are, than we are, than life itself.
Love.
Jason moves slowly but he is determined and confident and at this point no one tries to stop him.
You can’t stop love.
“Alex…” he barely whispers, rocked by emotion, exhaustion and the frustration that he feels in this moment.
Then he falls to the ground, kneeling before me, consumed by exhaustion. At that point I drop to my knees too and stretch my hand to his face and touch his beard. He looks up and I get lost there in his eyes, which tell me everything I need to know without any words being spoken.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him, coming closer to his face. “I didn’t want this for you.”
He shakes his head. “I could not ask for anything else.”
“It’s not worth it. You should have listened to me. You could have avoided all of this…”
“Alex, you are worth all of the pain in the world. Even one minute just touching your hand is worth so much more than a whole lifetime spent without you,” he says, taking my hand and bringing it to his lips.
“I will never give you up, what we have…love, Alex, is stronger than anything.”
I feel the tears running down my face and the emotion exploding in my heart. What did I do to get all this happiness? What have I done to deserve it?
“I want you to know that I don’t care about the illness, the consequences and all the rest. All I care about is you and I want you in my life no matter what happens. Okay?”
“Having me your whole life means giving up all of your freedom, taking care of me, worrying every day and obligations, lots of them. Is that what you want, Jason?”
“The only thing I’m going to do is love you, Alex. Every day, as long as I’m breathing. There will be bad days, you can be sure of that. Days that make you insane. Days you’ll tell me to go to hell, days where everything seems wrong. There will be shitty days but I will not be able to do anything less than to love you still. To love you with a love that is infinite and total. Love all of you, especially your stupid heart.”
I stand up and he rises with me, smiling and crying at the same time and I can no longer distinguish the two, but that’s alright, that’s what love is: confusion, pure joy, pain, happiness. Love is the only thing that counts.
Love is life.
“Uh, excuse me. Sorry to interrupt this moment,” Patrick says, coming towards us and looking a bit embarrassed. “I’ve spoken with some people and agreed with Joe and we’ve been able to come up with sort of a…special allowance for you.”
“What have you done?” Jason looks at Patrick, confused.
“By now everyone knows me in this hospital,” he says with a guilty smile.
“Yeah, that does seem to jog my memory,” Jason says, shaking his head.
“You can stay here tonight. Joe gave up his spot.”
“What?” I ask my father.
“You stay with her,” he says, putting his hand on Jason’s shoulder. “That’s the way it should be.”
I think I’ve never loved my father more than I do now.
“I’ll be back tomorrow morning at dawn.” He kisses me lightly on the forehead and my mother hugs me tightly, then they walk away together, supporting one another.
“Try not to…oh, what the hell, do what you want.”
Patrick adds this, before kissing me on the cheek and winking at Jason, then disappearing down the hallway.
