PROLOGUE
JASON
I don’t feel like studying, I can’t think about exams right now. The truth is I don’t care about anything anymore.
My mother has gone, and with her my family, or the idea of having one.
I can’t make it, we can’t make it on our own, just me and him, we’re just not able. She was the one who kept everything together.
I feel so alone, and I’m angry at the world, with everyone—with him...everyone except her.
I could never be angry withher.
We’ve been friends since we were born. Our mothers were close, we’ve been doing things together since they came to live here on Pearse Street before we were born. She and I were always together, almost like siblings. I was with her every day of school and every afternoon. Inseparable friends, two very different souls, yet so close.
My whole life is music, and she...well, she’s always got her nose in a book.
I like watching her read, as she wrinkles her brow or bites her lip when she gets to a critical point in the story.
I’ve studied her expressions for years—sometimes funny, sometimes sweet. I’d also swear I’ve seen her eyes fill with tears, but she is embarrassed to be moved by certain things and so I pretend not to notice.
Just looking at her gives me warmth and confidence, which I am really in need of now, more than ever. I miss it like I miss air to breathe.
I observe her as she scratches her nose as she tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear, trying to hold back her emotions. She’s wonderful, so shy, so fragile, but not as fragile as I am, not like I feel right now.
I am crippled with pain and I feel like I’m about to do something I may regret for the rest of my life, but I can’t resist.
I need to. I need it right now.
I know we’re just two kids and that sooner or later she’s going to start going out for real with someone, even though I keep every guy who comes near her at a distance of ten kilometers; but soon, she’s going to look around and start to understand that other guys admire her because she is beautiful, smart and one of a kind. And when she understands that too, it’s all over for me.
I could be satisfied just looking at her like I always do, but now, I want more.
Now I want to know what it feels like to be in her arms.
So I get up and walk towards her and she stops reading without lifting her eyes from the book. I know she senses me, she understands I am drawing closer, but she doesn’t look at me. She doesn’t grant me this satisfaction, nor any advantage.
I sit next to her forcing her to look at me, to removing the pencil from her mouth.
Now I’ve got her attention and she slowly loses herself in my eyes which will never stop looking at her because she’s the only person that doesn’t hurt me right now.
I place my lips on hers and it’s just a second, but I feel this sentiment rise and beat within my heart, which I thought felt nothing, insulated as it was from the pain of my loss.
And instead, it starts beating again, for her, for my friend.
For myAlex.
After a few seconds of hesitation, she lets herself go and timidly opens her lips, allowing me to play with her tongue. I run my fingers through her magnificent golden hair and caress her nape, drawing her closer to me.
I feel her body turn me on and warm me up, freeing my heart from its unbearable pain that until just a few minutes ago, I thought would destroy me without mercy.
I let my hands slide down her face, along her arms until arriving at her waist. I sigh and slip them under her shirt to feel her hot, soft skin, it’s a touch that snaps me out of my stupor and my suffering and instantly brings me back to life.
I try to transform this light, intimate kiss into something more, and she shyly lets me and I can feel something is wrong.
My Alex is no longer with me.
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