“I was just a jerk, selfish. I didn’t want the
responsibility, and she knew it.”
“And she?” Good lord, I can’t even spit it out.
To tell the truth, it’s hard to talk at all.
Everything’s happening so quickly here with all
these events pulsing through my heart it seems like
it’s all going to end up in my throat and choke me.
“I’ve always been a jerk, but I never would
have abandoned her, believe me,” he says, finally
looking at me and his eyes are full of pain, deep
and real pain.
“I believe you.”
“She already made the decision for both of us.
She told me it was too late. Her mother took her to
Liverpool and…” A hiccup escapes his lips and my
heart shatters in a million pieces. “She told me that
she could never trust a selfish asshole like me,
because the only thing I’m good for is swinging on
every side. She told me I wasn’t worth anything,
that I would always be a hopeless bastard because
I’m incapable of love, of feeling any real sentiment
and taking on any significant responsibility. I
ruined her life and I’ve never forgiven myself for
it.”
“Patrick.” I step closer because I want to hold
him close to me. Because I want him to feel my
heart that is suffering together with his. I want him
to feel that I believe him.
“Don’t do it, okay? Don’t feel sorry for me. And
don’t get close to me, Erin, I beg you. I’d only hurt