leave me alone?” she says, raising her voice.
“You want me to go? You want me to leave you
in peace? Would that make you feel better?” I
jump to my feet, hurt by her words.
“I just want you to explain to me why you’re
here with me.”
How am I supposed to answer her? Because I
can’t do anything other than be here? That my
stupid fucking heart decided to start working and it
made me choose her?
In the end, I tell her the truth. “I know that I
can’t avoid it. I can’t stay away from you even if I
understand that I shouldn’t be close to you. It’s
difficult to explain.”
“What’s wrong with you, Patrick?”
“Wha… what?” I ask, terrified by her question.
“When did you become like this? There has to
be a reason, a cause … What turned you into the
asshole that you are?”
If she could have punched me full-on right in
the chest, it would have hurt less. After having told
her all those things … What a fucking idiot I’ve
been. I sure know how to be a dog’s ass.
I turn and go without saying anything because I
have nothing left to say.
This is who I am, I always have been like this
and I will continue to be. It’s useless trying to
force yourself into being something you’re not.
I don’t want to be analyzed; I don’t want to be
pitied.
