And I’m terrified.
I care about her and the person who is growing
in her belly, that she happens to be touching in this
moment, almost hugging it.
And then I completely lose my sense of
orientation. I lose control. I lose every single
fucking part of me, because I realize that I’ll never
be anything if I go on being what I always have
been until now.
A man who doesn’t know how to love.
The rain beats down incessantly against the
window, and as I sit here I feel like a fraud, an
imitation of something that has never really
existed.
Happiness damn near destroys you … Breaks
your faith to pieces on the floor.
And this terrible tenderness destroys me, it
breaks me into pieces while it also fills my heart
with something that I don’t know how to contain,
because it’s glued away from my hands passing
through my fingers before I have a second to bring
it to my mouth and taste it.
Then one day, you’ll wake up and she’ll be
home.
I find myself thinking.
And hoping.
I shake my head and grab the first bottle I come
across.
Tequila. Perfect.
I fill the glass and down it in one gulp but it’s
