If I am about to lose control, it’s better that no
one is around.
I open the door to our home and go into my
room, but I know it would be better if everyone
left me alone.
Jay comes in followed by Aaron. They sit on the
bed and I sit on the ground and drop my head in
my hands and just cry.
I cry and cry, all the fucking tears I’ve never
shed, not even when I was a child.
He’s come back and is taking everything with
him.
And I’ve got nothing.
Not the woman I love, not the child I adore.
And not myself, because without them I don’t
exist.
“Buddy,” Jay says quietly as he touches my
shoulder and I cry harder. “Please, Patrick. I can’t
see you like this, I don’t know what to do,” he
says, sounding really worried.
“There’s nothing you can do, Jay!” No one can
do anything!” I jump to my feet. “She has decided.
After all that…”
I can’t do this.
I drop to my knees and continue to cry. And this
goes on for two hours, maybe three before I fall
into a troubled sleep. And when I wake up, I start
crying again, harder still and more desperate
because I realize I’m alone in bed and she’s not
here.
