Her gaze dropped, and the creases in her forehead reappeared.“We can do everything right and it still not be enough.Only God is enough, even though sometimes it doesn’t feel like He is.I don’t understand why He is allowing this.It feels wrong and unjust.I’m angry with Him, and I’m scared of what the future holds.I don’t want this burden He’s given us, but I know it’s not our fault.I know it’s not our job to save them.”
He’d known when he’d chosen to pursue Nora that he would have a friend who understood his struggles, but this?This was so much more.She didn’t blame him or judge him for his lack of ability to help Ma.She spoke tender truth even in the midst of her own pain and wrestling with God.Never had he wanted to hold a woman so badly, to comfort the pain he both saw and felt.The long-ago verses Pa had encouraged him to memorize when he’d first struggled with his inability to help Ma struck him in a new way.
He hooked a finger beneath Nora’s chin—for Nora she would be to him after such an honest baring of her heart—and quoted the verses as much for himself as for her.“‘Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.’”
“I know His Word is true, but those verses feel like a lie.This burden is so heavy, and there is no rest from it.”The weight of her anguish pushed free a fat, rolling tear.
He brushed it aside with his thumb.If only he could as easily wipe away the hurt and fear in her eyes.He dropped his hand and reclaimed hers.“Pa taught me those verses, and he spoke a lot about yokes.What do you know about them?”
Her shoulder rose in a one-sided shrug.“It’s a wooden beam across an ox’s neck.”
“Yes, and it generally connects a pair of oxen, allowing them to pull the load together.It doesn’t remove the load, but it makes the burden easier to bear because they share it.The yoke also allows the farmer to control and direct the movements of the oxen while they work.Pa said God never promised to remove the burdens of our lives, but to bear that burden with us and to help guide and direct us through it.Maybe Jesus has paired us under the same yoke so we can share each other’s burdens as He guides us through this mess of life.”
She studied him in silence, searching his face for some time before a soft, genuine smile formed.“I’d like to not have to carry this alone.”
“You were never carrying it alone, but it is nice to have a person to share it with who understands.Especially the hard points that test our faith.I’ve wrestled with anger over why God’s allowed this, but good has come of it.”He squeezed her hand, though he would have preferred to softly kiss it and communicate how much he appreciated God’s gift.“He’s brought you into my life to show me I am not alone in walking this journey, and He’s used you to help me hear music again.”
She drew a deep breath, making an obvious effort to regain her composure.“I didn’t realize you’d gone deaf.”
“I know it sounds insane, but I used to hear music in everything.The patter of rain, the laughter of children, even Tristan causing mischief.Music played through my thoughts as steadily as blood flowed through my veins.”
“Mum always said music is the soul’s heartbeat.”
“Then I must have died when I found Ma.From that moment until this last Sunday, I’ve not heard a bar of music.”
“Singing praises to God does inspire the heart to come alive.”
He hadn’t considered God’s part in strumming the long-stilled strings.I’m sorry for not recognizing Your part in this, Lord.ThankYou, and thank You for Nora.“I confess it was witnessing your impassioned response that reawakened the desire to create something just as moving for others.”He hesitated.Would asking for her help ruin this moment, or would this new understanding make her more willing to say yes?
Victory didn’t come without risks.
“Graham needs the score soon, but I’m woefully behind.With your knowledge of and ability to sing opera, you’d be an invaluable help to me if you’d be willing.We could work at my home, where I have a piano.”
“As an unmarried woman, I can’t come to your house.”
“Right.”Sometimes he forgot the rules of propriety.It wasn’t that they didn’t exist in the theatre, but they were often lax or outright ignored.“That was a foolish idea.”
She gripped the cameo at her neck and rolled it between her fingers, her expression pensive.“I could ask Mrs.Jerden if she wouldn’t mind for us to meet at her home.I know she has a piano.Knowing Mrs.Jerden’s hope for us, I’m certain that she’ll happily agree.Tell me about the libretto and what you have composed so far.”
As he explained, Nora’s face lit with joy, and he’d never felt closer to anyone in his life.If times of open conversation and tender moments defined his private hack rides with Nora, then these once-dreaded rides to Longview might become his most anticipated times of the week.
Chapter Twenty
WHEN THE HACK STOPPED OUTSIDELongview, Nora could hardly believe they’d already arrived.Between Mr.Beaumont’s heartbreaking explanation of his mum’s illness and then learning about the operetta, the hour-long ride had flown by.She couldn’t wait to hear what he’d composed so far, even though the remaining pieces left her uncertain.He’d saved the songs of growing attraction and declarations of love between the princess and insurrectionist for last.It was far too fitting if she were to cast herself as the princess, for Mr.Beaumont was indeed encouraging her to join an insurrection against the law that had long defined her life: no music.Although, hadn’t she been leading quiet rebellions on her own?Sneaking upstairs to Mum’s trunk.Singing in the shadows of Father’s absence.Taking lessons in an asylum.And now she was forming an attachment to a man Father would be unswervingly opposed to.Oh yes, composing songs of love and rebellion together was certain to be a mistake.
And yet ...
Mr.Beaumont took Tristan from her and held her hand as she stepped down from the hack.Gloves separated their touch, but the contact spread warmth to her belly.What fires would he ignite if he held her in his arms?Of course, he’d held her when the hack wrecked, but she hadn’t appreciated his protection and care then.What a difference a single week made.
Mr.Beaumont studied her, and the longer he did so, the happierhe appeared.He brushed a corner of her mouth, his voice quiet and tender.“I like it when you smile.Whatever thoughts put it there, you should think on them more often.”
Oh heavens, was she smiling while thinking of him holding her?Heat climbed her neck.May he never discover the reason for that rogue thing appearing.
The driver cleared his throat.
Good grief.They were standing on the lawn of an insane asylum about to visit their mothers, and she’d just allowed Mr.Beaumont to caress her face like he were her intended.If the Guardians ever found out, she’dneverhear the end of it.
Mr.Beaumont paid the driver, then walked alongside her to the portico.“What do you think?Will we find our mothers much recovered this week?”
