Zoe and Skye are the only ones who are still here when I look up. Everyone else has gone to lunch. Both girls give me worried looks. It’s the first time I notice something they have in common.
I leave the studio alone, even though everything inside me wants to leave with Zoe and just ignore Dad. But that won’t work. I know that from experience.
“What do you want?” I ask him without a greeting, because he doesn’t deserve one. He hasn’t been in touch with me for weeks, not since our conversation in Mom’s office. Now he just shows up here like it’s normal.
“We have to talk.”
“We don’t.” I push my way past him and walk down the corridor. I have to get out of here. He follows me outside, and the cold air hits me like a slap in the face.
“Jase! Listen to me.” Dad easily keeps pace with my long strides. I stop in the middle of campus, because I don’t want him to follow me into the dorm, and I definitely don’t want him in my room.
“Why should I? Do you want to take something else away from me? I don’t have anything left, Dad.”
“I’m not here to take anything away.” He sounds annoyed, as though I’m acting like a defiant child.
“Then what do you want?” Anger flares up inside me, burning through my body like hot embers.
“This is about your mother,” he replies reluctantly. “Her birthday party is tomorrow, and it’s important that you be there.”
His words leave me speechless for a moment. But then I laugh in disbelief. “Oh, you mean the party that I wasn’t invited to?”
“You’re our son. Of course you’re invited.”
I shake my head uncomprehendingly. Mom’s birthday was two weeks ago. I went to my parents’ place, and I have no idea why. It was stupid. But it was Mom’s birthday, and some idiotic part of me just couldn’t ignore that.
I was still sitting in the Uber when they walked out of the house. Mom, Dad, Lia, and her boyfriend. They didn’t even notice me as they got in their car and drove away. Without me.
“I find that difficult to believe.”
Dad rubs his forehead. His shoulders are tense. He’s just about to lose his cool. “If our family still means something to you, you’ll come to the party tomorrow.”
My chin juts out in opposition. “And if I don’t? What then?”
“Jesus. I don’t want to hurt you. When are you going to figure that out?”
Never. Because you never accept me or my decisions about my own life.
“Do it for your mother. She’s done a lot for you. Don’t disappoint her,” he says. And then he leaves. Just like that, without another word.
I stare after him. I’m boiling inside.Don’t disappoint her.As ifI don’t do that every single day of my life anyway. I hate myself for it, but I know that tomorrow I’ll go to the fucking party. Her fiftieth. Tomorrow...
My heart skips a beat.Tomorrow.
My stomach turns. For a moment, I can’t breathe. I’m dizzy. I stagger.
The pain is there again so suddenly, as though it never faded. As though I never learned to deal with it. It hits me full force, driving me to my knees, mixing fury and hatred in an uncontrollable hurricane inside. My eyes burn, and I want to scream, but the sound gets caught in my throat.
Mom’s birthday was over two weeks ago.
Seventeen days after her birthday a few years ago, Sam died.
Tomorrow. Tomorrow he will have been dead for five years.
And she’s celebrating her fucking birthday.
Chapter 36
Zoe
