I turn away quickly and concentrate on Mae again. I want to tell her everything, but I can’t do it here, with Charlotte nearby.
“Can we talk about it later?”
“Mm-hmm.” Mae narrows her eyes, peering back and forth between Charlotte and me. She understands. “Sure,” she says. “But at least tell me if things are less complicated now.”
I nod. It’s not easy yet, and a lot still has to be cleared up. But everything is a little less complicated than it was yesterday.
“I’m really happy for you.” Mae’s gaze softens.
I’m about to say something else when Miss Chelsea turns her attention back to us. “Don’t dawdle. Keep it up,” she urges us. “We still have a lot to do today.”
We nod at the same moment and return to position. But there’s still something I urgently need to say.
“Hey, Mae?” I whisper.
“Hmm?” she raises her eyebrows questioningly.
“I’m glad your suitcase broke on the first day.”
She grins. She understands what I’m trying to tell her.
Thank you for being my friend.
Thank you for never pushing me to tell you why I panicked so much at the beginning.
Thanks for just being here.
“Me too,” she says.
* * *
Mae and I spend our lunch break in her room after getting something to eat in the cafeteria. Then I tell her everything. Well, noteverything. I’m not quite ready for that. But I tell her enough, because I need to talk about it, and because Mae is the one I want to talk about it with. Just because she’s herself.
I tell her about Jase and what happened back then, leaving out the reason why we didn’t actually get together. And she doesn’t ask because she can tell it’s something I can’t talk about. I tell her that we had sex and that he spent the night in my room. I tell her how strange it feels, because my whole life has revolved almost exclusively around ballet so far, and suddenly it’s different.
When I tell her this, she smiles. “That’s because we’ve been told all our lives that ballet is the most important thing in the world. And for us, it is. It’s our whole lives. It defines who we are. What our future looks like. Where we come from and where we’re going. But it’s okay if you get a little distracted now.”
I sigh. “Is it?”
“Yes. Do you know why?”
“I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”
“Of course. I can’t keep my wisdom to myself.” She grins, then quickly goes serious on me again. “This thing with you and Jase, it’s not just a distraction. He’s making you better. Think about what your first week was like and what it’s like now. Okay, we can leave out yesterday’s lesson because something obviously went wrong,but in the last few weeks, you’ve gotten better the closer you’ve become. And I’m not the only one who noticed it. Francesca did too. I don’t think she meant that we should fall in love with our dance partners when she said we should build up trust. But hey, you can’t have everything.” She shrugs, giggling, and I want to tell her she’s wrong. That I’m not in love with Jase. But the objection catches in my throat. Shit.
Chapter 34
Zoe
I feel safe with you. It’s always been that way.
—Zoe
“What’s up?” Jase is at my door. Recently, he’s been here a lot. Not that I’m complaining. His eyes sparkle mischievously, and my heart jumps. I automatically think of what Mae said, but no, I’m not in love. It’s just the damn hormones. His gaze makes my skin tingle, and I want him to touch me and explore my body with his mouth. I want to do the same to his.
You see? It’s just the hormones. And a bit of lust because it’s so new.
“I’m copying Mae’s notes from yesterday.” I let him in and point at my desk, where Mae’s notebook is lying next to mine, with half a dozen highlighters next to it.
