Zoe
I lost myself last year, and now I’m frantically trying to find myself again. But it feels like I’m constantly chasing after something I can never reach.
—Zoe
The next three weeks pass so quickly that I can hardly keep up. The grace period is over, and our teachers pick up the pace in all our subjects. Mr.Conrad and Miss Chelsea, who teach us pointe, are almost as relentless as Francesca.
I know Francesca isn’t happy with our performance, but she hasn’t warned me again about the consequences. I take that as a good sign. At least, Ihopeit’s a good sign and not just the calm before the storm. But even though I don’t panic every time I dance with Jase anymore, it’s still not going very well, and I don’t understand why.
We’ve spent a lot of time together in the past few weeks. The more time we spend alone in the little attic studio, the safer I feel with him. With his hands on my body. His body behind mine, his breath on my skin as he gets a little closer to me every time.
Something has changed between us, but I can’t put my finger on it.
The morning after our second touch practice session, I found a note in my room. Messily folded, as usual, slipped under my door. A secret. Without a question. It felt different from the last time. Then, when he asked me what had happened, I gave him an honest answer. But I didn’t trust him with the truth. This time, he was confiding in me, and I gave him something back.
If you tell me your secrets, I’ll tell you mine.
Our game has changed, just likewehave changed. And I have no idea where that’s leading.
Now it’s Saturday, and we’re meeting in the theater with the group that’s responsible for theSleeping Beautysets. I’m a nervous wreck, even though there’s no reason to be. But I slept badly and had strange dreams that made no sense but felt totally real at the same time. I dreamed about Jase, and that threw me so far off balance that I couldn’t eat a thing in the morning.
“Here, you look like you could use some caffeine.” I turn my head at the sound of Mae’s far too cheerful, awake voice. She holds out a takeout cup, from which the heavenly smell of coffee and pumpkin pie wafts.
“You brought me a pumpkin spice latte?”
She puts the cup in my hand and drops into the chair next to me. “If I’d only gotten one for myself, you would have died with envy, and I didn’t want to be responsible for that.”
“I think I love you,” I say, taking a sip. I immediately feel better. It’s later than usual because Francesca has an important private meeting today, so we’re left to our own devices. But I’m still just as tired as I was this morning when I woke up from my confused dreams and couldn’t get back to sleep.
Mae tosses her auburn hair over her shoulders and sighs dramatically. “It’s impossible not to love me,” she says.
I roll my eyes, laughing, but she’s right. It’s impossible not to love her. I think Mae is the nicest person I’ve ever met. We’ve spent so much time together since the semester began that it almost feels as though we’ve known each other forever. In comparison, my high school friendships with Charlotte, Amber, and Scarlett feel like a bad joke. They never treated me like Mae does, never showed real interest in me or listened to me properly. They never gave me the space that Mae does, like when she realizes that I’m not doing well and I don’t want to talk about it.
“Where’s the rest of our group?” She looks around. There are only a few of us in the auditorium: two boys from the junior class and a group of sophomore girls. But most of the group is missing.
I check the time on my phone, and I see a text from Caleb.
Caleb:
How are you two doing?
I turn red because I know exactly who he means by “you two.” Nothing has changed since the last time he asked me three days ago.
“You’re blushing,” Mae says unhelpfully, and my cheeks get even hotter. “Why?”
“Caleb is making comments that are uncalled for,” I say, putting the phone into my backpack again.
“About what?” She peers at me curiously.
“How is it going with Tristan, anyway?” I ask to change thesubject. Since Mae and Tristan got to know each other that evening at Caleb’s place, they’ve had a few dates, and I’m really hoping it will grow into something more. I’m also hoping that she’ll forget about Caleb’s message. But I should have known that changing the subject wouldn’t help.
“Pretty good. We’re meeting tonight. So, what kind of uncalled-for comments is Caleb making?” she says with a wide grin.
I’m spared having to answer because the door opens and the rest of the group finally arrives. I automatically look for Jase. His gaze meets mine, and a small smile appears on his face. My heart jumps. Every little smile from Jase, no matter how small, is a victory for me.
“Why, exactly, is nothing going on between you?” May whispers, drawing my attention away from Jase and back to her. Her eyes gleam, and I blush again. This really needs to stop.
“Because there’s no chemistry.”
