Fuck.
This is not a good sign.
“Jase, could you please come with me? Mr.Pearson would like to speak to you.”
I just nod, because I can’t make a sound. My throat suddenly feels constricted, my stomach sinks, and for a second, I have to repress the urge to slam the door and pretend Camille’s not there. If I don’t get this scholarship, I don’t know what the hell I’m going to do.
Yesterday, Mom offered to pay the fees again, and I know it was totally idiotic to say no, but I don’t want her money. I don’t want to feel like she’s only doing it because she has a guilty conscience. And I don’t want to worry every day about whether she’ll change her mind. It’s happened before, after all.
If I don’t get the scholarship, then maybe I’ll think about it. I need another plan. I’m pretty sure Zoe and her parents would help me, but I don’t want that either. Not unless it’s absolutely necessary. But it might be, and I’d rather have them help me than my own parents.
“Yes, he will,” Zoe answers for me, giving me a gentle shove. I look over my shoulder, giving her a glance that says everything and nothing. She stands on tiptoe and kisses me. She strokes my cheek. “It’s going to be okay,” she whispers. “I promise.”
I want to tell her that she can’t promise me anything she has no influence over, but I let it go because I really need to believe her.
“See you.” I kiss her again because I can’t help it, breathe in her lavender scent, and then follow Camille, who is impatiently tapping her foot at how long I’m taking.
At the end of the hallway, I stop for a moment, turn around, and see Zoe standing outside my room. She’s smiling, and she’s so damn beautiful it hurts. Her red hair is braided into a crown around her head, with individual strands falling around her face. She’s wearing a dark blue dress that I will definitely have to help her take off later.
Get a move on.
Sam’s voice echoes in my head, and my heart tightens. But it doesn’t hurt as much as it used to. He’s not here, but somehow he is. He’s always here. Because he will always be a part of me.
I take a deep breath and finally leave the dorm. It’s cold and dark outside. Heavy clouds are covering the sky, and it looks like it might snow. Camille doesn’t say a word as she leads me to the administration building and up the stairs to Pearson’s office. My stomach cramps, and with every step, I get more nervous. But it’s going to work out. I’m going to get the scholarship. I have to.
Camille stops in front of Pearson’s office, knocks briefly, and then gestures for me to go inside. I open the door and walk in, just as nervous as I was at the start of the semester. This time, he’s got to have good news for me.
Please.
Zoe
I think the last time I was this nervous was at an audition, when my future depended on it. Today, it’s Jase’s future that’s at stake. He hasn’t come back yet, and I’m trying to convince myself that’s a good sign, because why else would they have been talking so long? Camille picked him up forty-five minutes ago. The performance is about to start.
“Don’t forget to breathe,” Caleb whispers, giving me an encouraging smile. He’s here with Parker, Mom, and Dad, even though I’m not on stage today. They wanted to come anyway, and Mom insisted that we all go home with them afterward. Because tradition demands that we spend the last evening before the Christmas holidays together, watching movies and drinking cocoa with marshmallows until we’re sick. This year there are six of us, not four, and I think it’s going to be wonderful. Jase is spending Christmas with us. He doesn’t want to celebrate with his family, and I’m glad that he’ll be with me so I won’t have to worry whether he’s okay.
Like I’m worrying now. I take a deep breath, but it doesn’t help. My heart is beating much too fast, and I’m so restless that I can’t stand still. Hehas toget the scholarship. He can’t lose his place. He belongs here. He needs to dance.
“Look.” Parker’s excited voice brings me back to the present.
I turn around, and there he is. Finally. I’m already walking straight toward him before I even think about it. Why does he look so serious? Why isn’t he smiling?
“How did it go?” I ask when I reach him and take his handsin mine. We lock fingers automatically, and I immediately feel a little calmer.
Then he smiles. The same smile I fell in love with. “It looks like I’m allowed to stay.”
I want to answer, but my voice isn’t under my control. My eyes are blurred by tears. They overflow, and Jase gently dries them off my cheeks.
“I hope those are tears of joy and you’re not crying because Francesca might make me your dance partner next semester.”
I stand on tiptoe and kiss him, which should be a clear enough answer. I’m so relieved my legs are shaking.
“Congratulations, man.” Caleb appears next to us and slaps Jase on the shoulder, grinning, as do Parker and Dad. Mom gives him a big hug and tells him how proud she is of him, and he blushes. My heart is about to burst, because for a change, everything has actually turned out well. Everything is the way it should be.
Then Jase takes my hand, and we walk into the auditorium together because the show is about to start.
The Sleeping Beauty.
Emily is the perfect Aurora. She’s beautiful and graceful. I watch her, and the thought of standing on that stage myself in three years makes me smile, because I know it will happen. Somehow, I will get there. I will dance, and so will Jase.
