Fuck fuck fuck.
“Fuck!” I blurt out. Caleb is silent and lets me vent.
This can’t be real. It can’t. But it is. It’s fucking reality. Reed raped Zoe. Reed, who has known her for years. Who she grew up with. Reed, that miserable bastard.
“I’ll kill him,” I hiss, my hands shaking.
A grim smile appears on Caleb’s face. “Get in line.”
I shake my head. “We can do it together.”
Caleb gives me a quick, uninterpretable glance. “This thing between you is serious.”
I don’t answer, because it’s not just serious. It’s everything.
* * *
Ceara and Ethan are sitting in the dining room with glasses of whiskey in front of them. I think I need one too. They look up when they hear us, and a weak smile appears on Ethan’s face, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Ceara is crying silently. I can’t get a word out; I just nod at them.
“She’s upstairs,” Caleb says.
I hesitate briefly, expecting Zoe’s parents to stop me. I wouldn’t blame them. But they do nothing of the kind, and finally I start up the stairs. Every step is hard and heavy.
I need to see her. Fuck, I need to see Zoe so much that everything hurts.
At the same time, it scares me shitless.
The door to her room is ajar, but I knock anyway before I go in and then stand there awkwardly, because I don’t know what she wants. What she wants me to do.
She’s sitting on the bed with her legs drawn up and her arms wrapped around her knees, staring into space. She’s white as a ghost, her tangled hair falling around her narrow shoulders. She looks more fragile than I’ve ever seen her.
“Hey, Pixie,” I say softly, letting her know I’m here.
I want to hold her close and never let go again. But I remember how she tensed up when I touched her in the first pas de deux lesson. Even now, after everything that’s happened between us, I have no idea how she’ll react.
She looks at me silently. Her eyes gleam with tears, but she’s not crying. Then she whispers my name, and it sounds like a prayer.
“What can I do?” I ask her. I’m still standing much too far away, even though my instinct urges me to go to her.
But I can’t just do that. Not now. This is different. Different from every other time that I touched her or held her.
She rubs her face, wiping away tears that aren’t there. “Can you... can you just hold me?” Her voice is quiet. Thin and cracked, and my heart angrily skips a beat. I order it to be calm and force my thoughts to remain in the here and now, with Zoe.
I smile. “Anything you want, Pixie.”
I kick my shoes off and sit on the bed next to her, pull the quilt up around us, and take her in my arms at last. Her whole body is trembling, and her skin is cold. She lays her head on my chest. I’m sure she can hear my heartbeat, just like I can feel hers at my side. I hold her tight as she begins to cry, and my heart breaks into a thousand pieces.
Chapter 51
Zoe
I always thought that nothing bad would ever happen to me. Those things always happen to other people, not to me. Why did it happen? Why?
—Zoe
I have strange dreams about Reed and Charlotte. About the party. Jase. Caleb. Mae and Katie. Tristan and Nick. They’re all there, even though it doesn’t make sense. I know that even in my dream.
Flickering images. Darkness and light. Panic and burning pain. Total loss of control. My heart pounding against my ribs. A voice shouts, telling me to run. It’s my own voice. I try to do it, but I can’t move. I can’t even scream.
