No matter how far away she went, I never let her go.
It’s the cruel reminder of how badly she broke me that has my fingers digging into the flesh of her hips and my hips bucking a little too hard.
I chase the high I know only she can give me. It’s like chasing a ghost; every thrust is a desperate attempt to forget what it meant to lose her.
Avery’s cries of pain and pleasure are muffled but somewhere on my periphery. My movements are uncontrolled and feral as I pound into her. It’s like I can’t quite get enough, but it’s all too much at the same time.
Her walls clamp around me, and I groan, trying to keep the tingling in the base of my spine at bay. I hate how good this feels, like some part of me still belongs to her, even now, like this, in this carnal and raw way.
Avery cries out as she spasms around me, and it’s her moans that pull me back to the surface. She sounds like the girl I used to know. The one who promised me forever and made it seem like we would always find our way back to each other. For a moment, I believe that version of Avery again. And that thought terrifies me.
I clamp one hand around her mouth to keep her quiet and twist her hair around the other, pulling her back until she’s as upright as the position allows her.
Standing on the tips of her toes, Avery presses a hand against the wall as the other holds on to the denim halfway down my thighs. I bite down on her shoulder as I come, hot liquid shooting into the condom as my balls empty. My vision blurs at the edges, and my knees tremble slightly, like I might drop to the ground with the force of my orgasm.
It’s only when Avery goes limp in my arms and the muffled sounds of the party beyond the barn come back in full force that I let her go. This was a mistake. I let my body get the better of me, and nothing good ever comes from listening to my dick over my heart.
Lifting Avery from my cock, I remove the condom, throwing it into a nearby trash can, and tuck myself back into my boxer briefs. Zipping up my jeans, I watch, waiting for her to speak as she straightens her dress with shaking hands.
It feels awkwardly quiet now, and I’m acutely aware of the fact that she hasn’t moved and that her back is still to me. I take her silence as regret and pick up my belt, walking away from her and what we just did without a word.
This is for the best.
If I stay, I’ll kiss her like I mean it. And if she walks away again… I won’t survive losing her a second time. I barely survived losing her the first time.
14
AVERY
I tap my pen on the empty notebook page in front of me as I stare out of the window at Chapters and Crumbs. All morning I’ve been trying to write lyrics, but Grayson keeps creeping into my thoughts. Or rather, what we did in the barn keeps playing on repeat in my mind.
Warmth pools low in my stomach, tangling up with shame, until I can’t separate them. As if it’s projected on a screen in front of me, I see the way we came together, the way he claimed me like no time had passed since the last time.
He left me with the marks of his hands and teeth on my skin, but it’s the imprint of him inside of me that’s killing me. I still feel him.
Just like he said I would.
Frustrated, I blow out a heavy breath and force my attention back to the blank page in front of me. It doesn’t take long for my focus to drift back to Grayson, that whisper of a melody like a soundtrack to the thought of him.
I hate how much it hurt that he could walk away from me without a word, especially after what we did. I would have taken anything—a look, a word, even anger. But silence? That felt worse than when we said goodbye all those years ago.
Despite the time that has passed between us, my body still craves him, and I can’t be sure that if he walked in here now, I wouldn’t beg him for more.
It’s with that thought lingering that I shake my head. I just wanted to talk about the song that I had no intention of singing, to apologize for dropping it on him, but to also call him out on his obvious disdain for me, especially given that I’ll be staying in town for at least the next few weeks. But then he looked at me like he didn’t know whether to fuck me or kick me out, and I was gone. Lost to him.
“What are you working on?” Autumn asks, sliding into the chair opposite me with an excited grin stretching across her face.
I feel my features soften, and I drop my pen onto the table as I give her my full attention. For half a second, I think about telling her what happened, but the words die on my tongue, and instead I say, “A new song.” I dip my head, shame at my lack of progress sending a flood of warmth into my cheeks. “It’s not going so well. I’m a little distracted.”
Autumn reaches out and squeezes my hand. “What you need is to go to the rodeo. We’re all going tomorrow night. You should come.”
“Who’s going?” I ask, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear and trying to keep my tone even.
She rolls her lips together, but her crinkling eyes give her away. “Don’t worry, he won’t be there. Gray never comes out with us, especially if we’re going to have fun. It’s like he’s allergic to it or something.”
I find myself agreeing to go as Autumn stands and heads back to the counter. What’s the worst that could happen? I’ll have a fun night out with my friends, maybe flirt with some cowboys I don’t have any history with, and then I can try again tomorrow to write some lyrics. It seems harmless enough to me.
My phone buzzes on the table, Penelope’s name appearing on the screen. Tension fills me as I pick it up and answer.
