I turned to face him. “You keep doing that. Starting, then bailing.”
“It’s nothing.” His chuckle was hollow. “Just stupid shit in my head.”
“Listening to stupid shit is the second thing in a boyfriend’s job description. You can tell me anything.”
The creases in his forehead deepened. “I don’t want to fuck this up, Nix.”
My stomach tightened because I had words of my own that I was too afraid to say. “Are you sure you don’t want to talk?”
“Later, okay? No time to get into it right now.”
“Okay.”
After he told me one of Holky’s latest dumb jokes, we traded lazy kisses. The whole time, the tangle of words inside me kept getting tighter.
I’d always been good at reading plays, seeing where things were going before they got there. With Pack, it was harder. He was a ball of nerves about us, but why? Was his cheating ex making it hard for him to trust? Was it because I was a man? Or did he simply not want a future with me?
I had to know.
“Can I ask you something?” My voice was thin. “Without you freaking out?”
He went completely still. “That’s a hell of an opening.”
“I’m serious.”
He propped himself on his elbow. His hair stuck up in every direction, and a pillow crease was stamped into one cheek. “Okay. No freaking out.”
Don’t do it. You’ll lose him.
But I was tired of guessing. If I knew about the future, one way or another, I could adjust my expectations and enjoy what we had now.
“If it ever made sense in your life, with your contract and everything…” I swallowed hard. “Would you ever think about living in New York?”
The AC hummed. Outside, a car revved its engine and then faded.
His eyes widened, and his mouth opened. Nothing came out. His hand slid off my stomach.
“I—” He cleared his throat. “That’s… fuck, Nix.”
My heart was thumping so fast it was hard to breathe. “It’s just a question.”
“I know, but…” He sat up, rubbing his neck. “My contract. Buffalo. The team.” He looked at me with something close to panic in his eyes. “You.”
The word landed like a fist.You.Notusorthis. He’d saidyou, as if I were a problem he couldn’t solve.
“Hey.” Somehow, I forced myself to sound steady. “It was only a question. I swear I didn’t order a moving van.”
“I like you so much.” His voice cracked. “But I can’t think about moving in the middle of the season. I’m sorry if I’m fucking this up.”
“You’re not.” I took his hand. “I ambushed you. That wasn’t fair.”
“You’re allowed to ask.” He brought my fingers to his lips for a kiss. “I don’t have an answer right now. Could we talk about this after the season?”
After the season.
Notyes, orI want to. Justlater.
“Sure.” I leaned in and brushed a soft kiss over his lips. “We’ll hold that thought.”
