He laughs so loud it bounces off the nearby fine arts building. “Kind of figured, as loud as you are when we take girls back to the room.” He swallows too hard. “I’m bi, Pack, but don’t worry about me. I’d never do anything to mess up what we have.”
“I know.” I asked a question I’d wondered about often.
“Do you have like… boyfriends?”
“In high school, I was with a guy a few times. Not here, though. At least not yet.”
“Well, I’ve got your back, buddy. If you meet someone and bring him back to the room, I’ll clear out and stand guard.”
He rolls his eyes. “Oh, brother. That’s all I need.Youlistening in from the hall.”
“Fuck you. I wouldn’t listen.”
“The hell you wouldn’t.”
“Would not.”
“Would too.”
We laugh and play-fight like always. Eventually, it gets so cold that we walk back to the dorm with our arms around each other.
I’m so glad he trusts me with his secret, and that makes me like him more than ever.
I had no doubt I was straight back then, but I couldn’t deny having feelings for Nix I didn’t understand. I knew I loved him, but it was brotherly, not romantic. If I had other thoughts, I assumed that’s how all guys felt sometimes.
After he went to the Condors, Nico came out as gay. It made sense. He’d always talked big about women, but except for beating the shit out of me over one, his actions never seemed to match his words. Even when we took girls to our room, he always finished quickly. I’d hear his uneasy breaths across the dark room and wonder if he’d enjoyed it much.
Still, how did any of that explain what happened earlier? Nico was gay, but I wasn’t. I was just me.
This had to be about proximity and memories. I was tired, and waking up that close to someone I’d never stopped caring about triggered a false reaction.
I like women. I always have. And even if I’m not quite as straight as I thought, I don’t have to act on it.
Unwelcome memories surfaced. Women had always seemed to want more than I did, somehow. I enjoyed the sex but never wanted the kind of deep relationships they did. Mia was different. I’d felt a lot with her, which was why I married her. But we were barely back from our honeymoon when she started pressuring me.
I made good money and bought her a mansion, but that wasn’t enough. She wanted more endorsements, more events, more “connected” friends. I was only a vehicle to get her what she wanted. After she stopped sleeping with me, I quit trying. I was done chasing women who looked at me like a contract instead of a person.
Get a grip, Paquette. You’re not gay. You don’t change teams mid-season.
Thank God.
Unless you get traded.
Shit.
I must have dozed off, because the next thing I knew, we were touching down in Buffalo. While we taxied, I pulled out my phone and switched off airplane mode. Three notifications: Harpy, Gabe, and Nico.
I opened Harpy’s first.
HARPY: Thinking about you today. I know how hard it must’ve been to say goodbye to Nico. Don’t worry, though. Reunion sex is the best. #Packo #PackoChemistry101 #MoreThanRivals
That was a hard ignore. Next came Gabe.
GABE: Hi lover boy. Check this out.
He’d attached an Instagram link, and I shouldn’t have clicked it. The video was a slow-motion edit from the locker room in Kansas City. Nico and I were shirtless and laughing, looking at each other like we wanted to throw down right there. And not “throw down” as in fighting.
The caption made me groan:
