Then she sighs and looks back down at her drawing.
We sit with that for a minute—or maybe it’s thatI’mfinally sitting in it.
Missing Finn.
Knowing I’m always going to regret letting her go.
Hating that I told her—toldmyself—that it was to protect Chloe when really?—
“You were scared.”
I jerk, nearly upend the tablet I’m watching the video on. “What?”
“When Mommy died,” she says in a voice that is far too wise for her years. “You were scared too.”
My lungs lock.
Meanwhile she just keeps coloring in her drawing, nonplussed in the face of such devastating truth.
“And now you’re scared again,” she announces.
It’s deeply inconvenient that she’s this smart.
And also…that she’s so totally,painfullyright.
Sighing heavily, I set the tablet aside and move to sit beside her on the floor.
“Yeah, baby,” I say quietly. “I was scared.Amscared,” I correct.
Her little forehead wrinkles. “But love isn’t scary, Daddy. It’s the bravest thing you can do.”
My chest locks, tears clogging the back my throat. Christ. “That’s really smart.”
“I know.”
That startles laughter out of me, wet and broken and miserable.
She smiles brightly.
“Finn wrote to me about it. See?” She moves her papers aside and shows me a postcard. “Brooke read it to me.”
I pick up the rectangle of cardstock with shaking hands, take in the image of Switzerland on the front…and Finn’s handwriting on the back.
Chloe,
I went sledding on top of a glacier today. It was fun but I missed you. Some adventures are better when you take your favorite people with you. (Psst, you’re my favorite people.)
Don’t forget I love you.
And to be brave, even when you’re scared.
-Finn
I stare down at the words and feel something burst open in my chest.
Because I can hear her voice in every word.
See her face.
