Morning After
ELI
I woke up smiling.
I didn’t think that had ever happened to me in my entire twenty-seven years of existence. Anyone who knew me well knew that I was far from ever being considered a morning person. I enjoyed sleeping an extra fifteen minutes past the alarm, and it required a good half hour for my brain to wake up and for me to become a functioning human being again.
It was no surprise why I woke up so happy, though. And I was excited to explore that reason even further.
I rolled over, excited to press myself against the handsome man who had… what the hell? Where was Gabe?
There was only empty space next to me. I sat up and looked toward the bathroom. The door was open, and the light was off, no sounds of the shower, either. Had he gone downstairs to get us breakfast? I considered that possibility until I realized his suitcase was gone.
What theactualhell?
A note on the nightstand caught my eye. I grabbed itand immediately recognized Gabe’s handwriting from the times he’d write on the whiteboard in the locker room.
Eli, I’m so sorry for leaving like this. I didn’t want to wake you up. I got a call at five this morning that needs my attention. I’ll explain more the next time I see you. I’m sorry. Emmy already knows I won’t be playing this weekend. He’s also going to be changing your room so you can stay with him. I’ll see you in Burlington.
My heart dropped. What happened that Gabe had to rush out of here without even waking me up? I wouldn’t have cared. I would have gone back to sleep, but at least I would have been able to tell him goodbye, that I could help if he needed anything.
A darker thought pushed up into my skull like a thorny weed.
What if he was lying? What if last night was a letdown for him and he just needed to get away from me? Or maybe it had made him realize he didn’t even like men, that he was actually straight? It wasn’t logical at all—especially not with how into it he had clearly been—but sometimes my thoughts got stuck on the illogical and circled it like a dog chasing its tail.
Relentless and stupidly thinking the chase of a toxic thought would actually get me somewhere when in reality, it had me stuck in place.
The fact of the matter was that Gabe had left. The next two nights of hot and passionate sex I had been picturing vanished in a puff of smoke. Maybe that, too, was for the best, because even though I didn’t let Gabe fuck me last night, I also didn’t do a good job of keeping him from getting under my skin. Clearly not if I was feeling this disappointed about not having him around for the rest of the weekend.
“Ugh,” I said, rubbing my face before getting out of bed. “This fucking sucks.”
I shuffled to the bathroom and started to get ready for the gym. If I wasn’t going to get my frustrations out with a naked Gabe, then I’d do it with a set of heavy weights.
Besides, we had two games to focus on. I had to clear my head. Lock in.
And, maybe most important of all, I had to keep Gabe locked out.
I rolledmy suitcase down the bumpy cobblestone path toward a shade-covered table. Emmy sat there, sipping on his coffee and looking out at the river. The Spanish moss hung down like a curtain ready to close around him.
“Hey,” I said. “Coffee any good?”
“It’s as good as the view.” He smiled as I sat across from him. I sipped on my own coffee.
“Yeah, I agree, it’s pretty damn good.”
Our bus wasn’t supposed to get here for another half hour, and I’d been driving myself crazy, stuck inside the hotel room. I was bored with mindlessly scrolling on my phone, and I couldn’t really get into the one book I was reading, which happened to feature a star-crossed romance plot between two FBI agents. Wasn’t really in the mood for much pining and swooning, and the action scenes were too short. I flipped through all the channels on the TV and found nothing, not even a goodForensic Filesepisode or an entertaining hockey game. I resorted to sitting at the small wooden desk next to an air-conditioning unit and flipping through a magazine about the city of Savannah and allit had to offer.
Emmy must have sensed my anxious mood (he did have eyes, after all) because he offered to grab a coffee and some fresh air with me, which I very much appreciated.
We won our first game and suffered an embarrassing loss for the second. A variety of factors were at play. Not having Gabe on the ice was a big one, even though his replacement held his own. I made some rookie mistakes in the second game that I was sure were going to come up in the video review, and I was ready to get chewed out by the coach. They were stupid mistakes: I lost the puck three times and threw a panic clear right down the middle. Even more surprisingly was Emmy’s performance on the ice. He was usually so controlled and intentional with his plays, and he became one with the ice on his blades, but last night, he’d seemed off for some reason.
It wasn’t like him. I wasn’t sure what was going on with Emmy, but I knew exactly what was happening with me.
I just couldn’t fucking focus. Gabe had me messed up. I found myself thinking about him all weekend. I had texted him to make sure he got home safe, and we talked a little bit more. He apologized and promised he’d make up for it, which did make me feel better, but I still had a nagging feeling that something was off. That I was making a mistake somehow.
It was stupid of me to get so hung up on a guy I could never have, to have it affect my performance in a sport that was my entire life.
You can’t even break into the NHL. You’ll never get there.
