“What’s this?” he asked, gesturing to the box. I opened it, drawing out the gold chain. I ran a thumb over one of the coins.
“This was my betrothal gift from Calin. Giving gold coins is sort of a weird, old tradition. I hate it. I hated it from the day I accepted it.” I glanced up at him. “Because I hated him. I accepted it because that was the price, for him paying for my degree when my uncle couldn’t afford it.”
Henry waited for me to continue, no hint of judgement on his face. I ploughed on. If I lost momentum, I’d never get the words out.
“But he decided he couldn’t wait to … consummate our engagement, until I returned from Australia. He …”
I swallowed, but the lump in my throat was so big, the words wouldn’t come. Tears rolled down my cheeks, and Henry immediately gathered me into his arms.
“You don’t have to tell me, Catnip. I can guess what that monster did to you.”
I shook my head, trembling in his arms. “No, you can’t. I … I let him. He warned me he wouldn’t accept no, and so I lay there and let him touch me … take my virginity. Because he’d bought it.”
Henry’s fingers dug into my back, and I hissed. He immediately loosened his grip, and I burrowed deeper into his warm, strong chest, letting tears fall for a girl who no longer felt like me, and yet, she was the foundation for who I had become.
“I made myself a whore for him.”
“No. You were raped, Ri. Not fighting him off … that’s not consent. That’s self-preservation. What he did to you was a crime.”
“But I lay there, I let him do what he needed to.” I swiped at my streaming eyes. “And then he lectured me on using my time in Sydneyto learn how to pleasure a man, like it was another subject I was to study. He wanted me to be a virgin, but also experienced with men … and he acted as though I’d disappointed him … I’d never even been kissed before that night.”
Henry lifted my chin, cupped my face between two warm palms.
“You are not to blame for this, Catnip.” His voice was stern. “You’re always telling me not to take responsibility for what others do, and now I’m telling you the same thing. He was a man; you were a child. You said no, he didn’t accept. You protected yourself by not fighting back while he raped you.Hedid this. Not you.”
He pulled me into his chest once more. I let out a long breath, and something in me loosened. That knot of shame that I’d buried deep down over that night came unravelled.
“I told myself that Iwouldsleep around. If he thought I should be a whore, then I could haveallthe sex, but it wouldneverbe for him. But even doing it out of defiance, always in the back of my head was the need to scrub that first time, and what he did, from my mind. I convinced myself that if I had lots of sex, what he’d done would lose its hold on me. And it did, sort of. I enjoyed sex. I found confidence in my sexuality. But it never felt … right.”
I tilted my head to look up at him and pressed my palm to his chest, over the heart that belonged to me. “It never felt the way you make me feel when you make love to me.”
Henry’s face softened into the smile that was reserved just for me. “That’s because you never loved any of them.”
I smiled back through blurry eyes. “That’s because I’ve never loved anyone but you …” I took his hand and placed it on my stomach. “And our tiny human, now, too.”
“Well, if there was ever any doubt that this baby is yours, Hubby, I think this is all the proof we need,” I mumbled through a mouthful of my fifth piece of fairy bread.
A smile crinkled Henry’s eyes. “There was never any doubt. But … do you think we could add in a small plate of salad occasionally? Maybe some fish or steak? I don’t think you can get all the nutrients you need to grow a baby from bread, butter and sprinkles.”
He handed me a pill and a cup of water. “Here’s your folate.”
I rolled my eyes playfully but took the pill. “You’re going to drive me crazy.”
Lucian snorted from his place at the dining table. “He’s already driven me round the bend. If I thought in-love-but-in-denial Bax was a pain in the backside, dad-to-be Bax is giving me heartburn.”
“Yes, I’m such a villain for wanting my wife and unborn child to be as healthy as possible,” Henry muttered, but the glint in his eye told me that he knew we were just teasing him.
“God, it’s good to be back in Sydney,” I sighed, cramming another piece of bread into my mouth. “I will not miss morning sickness combined with seasickness.”
Henry snagged a piece off my plate. “Why is it so sexy to watch you devour it like that?” His eyes lingered on my top lip when I licked some butter from it.
“Okay, at least let me leave the room before you spread her out on the kitchen counter!” Lucian’s chair scraped on the floor in his hurry to get up.
“Be quick about it, Lumberjack!” I replied, setting down my plate. “We have a month of catching up to do.”
“I wish I’d flown home,” he grouched.
“Because now you want to be spreading Liv on the kitchen bench too?”
