I thought about the kind of man I wanted to wake up next to. The kind of man who I didn’t want to kick out of bed at all. Henry might not look exactly like Peeta, but he sure as hell acted just like him.
“Who says Peeta isn’t hot, anyway?” I asked, stalling.
Kat shrugged. “If you’re into the cute nerd thing.”
O Doamne, I was … I very much was.
“Now who’s being shallow?” I teased. “It’s not just about looks, Katarina Drákos. Everything Peeta did in that stupid arena, it was to help Katniss! And the way he confessed that she was the girl he’d always had a crush on?” I gripped at my chest. “That hit me right in the feels.”
Kat giggled. “Look at you, all romantic and sentimental! Whatever … or whoever you’ve been doing so secretively these last few months, it’s changed you.” She grew serious. “Are you ever going to tell me?”
My phone buzzed before I had a chance to respond. I glanced down, to find a message from Henry.
Henry: You awake?
A smile burst onto my face, and I typed back.
Irina: Yeah. Thinking about you, actually
Henry: Nice thoughts, I hope?
Irina: They’re always nice when you’re in them
Henry: You ok? You feel safe? Lucian said that everything seems quiet on the street
Henry: I wish you were here. It’s lonely, and Abs is giving me side-eye that his favourite human is missing.
Irina: Tell Abs mummy misses him
Henry: And what about his distant second-favourite human?
Irina: I miss you too, Hubby
If only he knew how much I really meant it.
Henry: Miss you more
Henry: Love you, Catnip
I gasped, putting my phone down, heart hammering wildly. He didn’t truly mean … no, he’d just said that because it was what would be expected of a married couple. We’d been curating our text messages as evidence for the government, if they ever got around to assessing my application.
“Are you alright?” Kat asked, brows furrowed. “You started out smiling like an idiot, and now you look like a deer in the headlights!”
I blinked, getting to my feet. “I’m fine. Just … some news from home that took me by surprise, that’s all.” I grabbed our glasses and returned them to the kitchen, replacing the vodka in the freezer. Putting on a wide yawn, I turned back to Kat, who rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, I get it, you’re exhausted … too tired to tell your bestie what’s going on at home. I’m used to it now; I still don’t fully understand why we needed to change the locks, but I guess you’ve trained me to accept without questioning.” She stood with a sigh, mumbled, “Night,” and walked stiffly off in the direction of her bedroom.
I rubbed my aching forehead. I was sick to death of lying to everyone around me. Lying to Kat about Henry. Lying to Henry about the real reason I never wanted to go back to Romania …
Lying to myself that I could get through two years of pretendingnot to have feelings for him while acting like a loved up married woman.
Fuck my life.
My phone pinged as I made my way dejectedly towards my own bedroom, and my heart stopped. If that was Henry, after his ‘love you, Catnip’, I had no idea what I was going to say.
Could I pretend I was asleep and just not open it?
Gaina, the little voice taunted inside my brain. It was right. That wasn’t fair on Henry, and it was just all round a dick move.
