We speak at the same time, and I laugh, rolling my eyes. “Seriously?”
Nolan’s lips curve minutely. “Seriously.”
“I’ll talk to him,” I promise. “I just…I don’t know what to do, and I wanted to have my emotions reined in before I went into that conversation, you know? When he came to the shop a couple of weeks ago, I thought I was good, but then…” I squeeze my eyes shut. “It felt like…like I buried every single negative emotion into this tightly shut box. And as soon as I saw him…” My hands mime an explosion.
“It didn’t help that the old bitch came at you at the same time,” Nolan adds, and I smile.
“Esther was being a right old bitch, wasn’t she?” I agree. The words don’t feel natural on my tongue, but if the shoe fits…
He doesn’t respond straight away, his expression contemplative. “Do you feel like you betrayed Braxton?”
The question is unexpected enough that my breath hitches in my chest, a bitter taste coating my tongue. The quiet of the world around us presses in, like we’re in a bubble where nothing can touch us, and I know this isn’t the time or place to lie—not to Nolan, and not to myself.
“Yes,” I whisper. “And no. Depends on when you ask me. Should I have jumped into bed with you? Maybe not, but I just needed…” I drag air into my lungs, my ribs pinching sharply. “I needed to feel wanted, and I needed to feel safe.”
“Not many people would call me safe,” Nolan murmurs, his eyes twinkling.
“That’s because you’re emotionally detached with some serious daddy issues,” I say dryly. “I felt so alone, Nolan. The rug had been firmly pulled out from under me, and I was…adrift. Raewyn told me about the kiss on New Year’s, and I thought about it for weeks. I thought, over and over again,does this change anything for me?And it didn’t. He still shut me out, and he did itsoquickly. One day, we were us, talking about our future, and two days later, he was…”
“Gone?” Nolan supplies when I trail off.
I nod jerkily, my eyes feeling hot. “I spent my whole life with people who kept me locked in this tiny little box, only pulling me out when it suited them. Maybe I should have tried harder, or done something different, but?—”
“You shut down as much as he did.” I press my mouth into a tight line, not agreeing, even though we both know the truth. Nolan doesn’t press me any further, probably sensing he’s pushed me as far as he can. “Come on. It’s cold, and I need another beer.” He stands up, holding his hand out to me. I let him pull me up, giving the sky one last look before we head inside.
It’s not until we’ve settled on the couch, some action movie playing quietly on the television, that he speaks again. “My mother wants me to get married. That’s why I need to go home soon.”
I whip around to face him so fast that I feel my neck crack. “What?”
Nolan chuckles at my expression. “Declan married Lily Foster, which went a long way to salvaging our reputation after my father was arrested…but Declan’s actually changed his last name to Foster, so, for all intents and purposes”—he flings his arms out—“I’m the last male heir to the Masters name. Mom wants to ensure our social standing doesn’t slip any further, and she’s decided that my making a good match will help.”
“A good match,” I mouth silently before demanding, “What is this? The 1800s? Is she going to chaperone you at the balls and pay a large dowry? Maybe trade some goats and pigs for a woman to take your hand?”
Nolan flicks a dark look at me. “Ha. Ha.”
“When will you go back?”
“Soon,” he answers vaguely, and I stare at him suspiciously.
“You’re not staying for me, right? Because I’m fine.”
He gives me a droll look, his eyes full of disbelief. “If this is you fine, I’d hate to see you broken.”
“Shut up,” I mutter. “I said I’d talk to him.”
Nolan rolls his eyes. “I’ll believe it when I see it. Anyway, I’ve got a realtor looking for an apartment for me in the city because there’s no way I’m living with Mom and Darcy again.” He taps his fingers against his beer bottle, mouth twitching. “I’m picky, so it might be a couple more months.”
I shake my head. “Is this your last-ditch attempt to irritate your mother before you subject yourself to unholy matrimony?”
He doesn’t answer, asking instead, “You think you’ll be okay without me?”
“I survived the last two years without you, so I think I’ll manage.”
Nolan looks at me, his expression severe, eyes searching my expression for the longest time. Just when my skin starts to itch under his intense scrutiny, he gives me a wide, uncharacteristic smile. “Yeah, kid. You’ll be alright.”
“Bridget, you don’t look good.”She’s standing at the register, swaying slightly, a sheen to her flushed skin. Even from several feet away, I can see the sweat beading on her forehead. “I think you should go home.”
She shakes her head weakly. “No way.” Her voice is hoarse, each word dragging roughly against her throat. “There’s still ninety minutes until close, and I’m not leaving you here on your own.”
