She shook her head. Now that she’d gotten a better look at him, standing in the pale sunlight of the tall window by the door, she realized his complexion had a grayish undertone. His blank gaze was fixed on the wall as he raised the glass to his lips.
“Fletcher?” she said, unable to help herself.
“Yeah?”
“You haven’t truly been busy, have you?”
He let his drink swish to the rim and then back again, that facade of indifference fracturing. “No,” he admitted. “I haven’t done a damned thing. I don’t know whattodo. I haven’t been alone since I first arrived in London. I told you how I’d just given up searching for my sister when Kane and I crossed paths.” A wry grin pulled at the corners of his mouth. “You know, I hated Ward. Hated what we did in his name. At the same time, though… I had a purpose. I’m sure it sounds absurd to you, but that’s part of the reason I was so angry Kane bargained for my freedom without consulting me. I don’t know what todowith freedom. It sounds great in theory, but nobody stops to think about what it actually looks like. Do I get a factory job? Apply at the docks? Make my way back to Ireland? Get married to someone I don’t love?”
“You could,” Zaria said staunchly. She was taken aback by his admissions—this boy with whom she’d had only a single one-on-one conversation before now. “You could do any of those things, or none of them. Freedom means having options.”
“Sometimes I think it’s too late for me to live a regular life. Too late for me towantit.”
Now that, Zaria understood. The idea of freedom may have been different to her, but similarly, it didn’t involve any of the usual affairs. She’d never thought much of having a husband to provide for her, a household to manage, or children to wrangle. Weren’t those the things she was meant to want? Was that not the ideal trajectory of a woman’s life? “I don’t think I want it, either.”
Fletcher hunched his shoulders, setting down his glass with clinking finality. “I’m a fool if I forgive Kane. And yet every part of me wants to, if only so I don’t have to be alone like this.”
His voice cracked on the last word, and Zaria’s heart cracked along with it. She didn’t know how to respond, what to do. She wasn’t the right person to hear this, and yet it was painfully obvious that Fletcher needed to say it to anyone who might listen.
“You don’t have to forgive him today,” she pointed out. “Maybe it can go on yoursomedaylist.”
He shot her a curious look, and she was quick to clarify.
“When I was growing up, Cecile—yes, the woman Kane got killed—used to weather my impatience by telling me to make a list ofsomedays. A list of things I wanted but that I couldn’t do or have quite yet. Rather than dismiss them as impossibilities, she told me to add them to the list. To turn mycan’ts intonot yets. I suppose it sounds silly, but it made me feel like I was putting my hopes somewhere significant until the time was right.” Heat touched Zaria’s cheeks. “You don’t have to choose between forgiving Kane now or never. You can simply set it aside. Add it to the list until you’re ready to look at it more closely.”
Fletcher tipped his chin, appearing to think on that. Then he nodded. “Why am I not surprised to learn you were an impatient child?”
She scoffed. “Never mind.”
“I’m only kidding.” A pause. “I like it—that way of thinking about things. Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.”
He picked up his glass once more, raising it to her in a mock toast, then downed what remained of the amber liquid. “Let’s go tempt fate, shall we?”
Zaria feigned lifting an invisible drink in return. “I can hardly wait.”
KANE
Kane didn’t know how Zaria endured Julian Zhao, let alone was willing to risk everything for him. He was a sullen creature with a holier-than-thou attitude that grated on Kane’s nerves. It had been only a handful of hours, and already it was apparent that the current arrangement was going to make everyone miserable.
“There’s something seriously wrong with you,” Jules said as he stood in Kane’s—formerly Ward’s—office, arms crossed over his chest. Adam and Elijah flanked him, both clearly unsure what to make of the interaction.
“So I’ve heard,” Kane drawled. “Feel free to put it on a sign and take to the streets. After you’ve done what I’m asking of you, that is.”
“And you expect me to just trust these two?” Jules indicated the other two boys.
“Yes. I picked them specifically because they’re the least likely to hurt you.”
“Do you think this is funny?”
Kane shoved his unfinished correspondence aside. “That wasn’t a joke. Cromwell and Atwood are as trustworthy as they come, at least around here.”
The former winked at Jules, who stared stonily back. “I’m not hurting anyone, just so we’re clear.”
Adam shrugged, but Elijah turned his look of disbelief on Kane. “Remind me again why he’s here?”
“Debts must be paid,” Kane said, twitching his fingers as if to flick the question away. “You shouldn’t have any difficulty showing him what to do. If he doesn’t want to take part, I’m not fussed, but make sure you don’t lose him.”
