Zaria came to sit on the edge of the bed, and Jules didn’t stop her.
“I’m sorry,” she said, because his expression made it clear he would say nothing more until she did.
He set the book down, brows drawing together as he sat up. “For what?”
Of course he wouldn’t let her get away with a vague apology. Jules wasn’t like that. When they had a problem, he wanted to confront it head-on. It was one of the things she liked most about him. At the same time, though, it meant she needed to deliver the script she’d mentally prepared while lying in bed last night.
“I kept you in the dark when I shouldn’t have and when I didn’t need to. I was trying to protect you, but in doing so, I not only lied—I took away your right to make your own choices.”
“Yeah,” Jules said, swinging his legs over the side of the bed so his position mirrored hers. “You did. But that’s not why I got upset. I was upset because you took awaymyability to try to protectyou.”
Surprise caught Zaria’s face in a frown. “I don’t need you to—”
“Neither do I, Zaria!” Impatience edged his voice. “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you! Don’t you see? We feel the same way, but for some reason, you can’t seem to understand that.” At her pained expression, he spoke more softly. “I know you sometimes feel you’re no good at reading people. But you’ve always been able to read me, so you’ll know I’m telling the truth when I say this: I feel the sameoverwhelming drive to get us out of this place and keep you safe in the process.” His mouth tilted up in a slight grin. “I’m just not quite as openly aggressive about it.”
Zaria’s chest ached. She wanted him to smile for real, but wasn’t sure whether she’d earned it. She felt full of hairline fractures, each one having multiplied until she no longer trusted her strength.
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth,” she whispered. “About everything, I mean. It was inconceivably foolish.”
Jules sighed. In that moment, Zaria wondered if he was fracturing a little bit, too. “Yeah, it was. But Zaria?”
“Hmm?”
“I’m sorry I compared you to your father. That wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t true. He never cared about anyone the way you do. Even when he was hunting for the primateria source, he was thinking only of himself. What he could do with it. You’ve never been like that.”
She bit the inside of her lip hard. “Thanks, Jules.”
His mouth tilted a little further. It still wasn’t a real smile, but it was closer. “Sure. Now, can I ask you something?”
“Of course.”
“Why the hell did a scrawny little chap turn up here night before last to tell me you wouldn’t be coming home? Did Kane kidnap you?”
With a strangled laugh, Zaria began to tell him about meeting Kane and Fletcher, only to be whisked across the city to steal the pianoforte. About her conversation with Fletcher and the workshop Kane had set up for her. How she’d managed to create quite a bit of primateria but emerged from her stupor certain she was on the brink of death.
She didn’t tell Jules about the kiss, though. She couldn’t bring herself to say the words aloud, let alone weather the horrified reaction she knew would follow.
“Okay,” he said slowly once she had finished. “So nothing we didn’t already expect, then. But how are you going to create that key? I’ve never heard of anything like it.”
We, he said. Because it was always the two of them, always together, no matter what the circumstances were. Relief spread through Zaria. That, at least, hadn’t changed. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I’m worried about that one. It might take me a few attempts.”
The problem with primateria was that you had to know what you wanted from it. If it didn’t work, you couldn’t just stuff it in a different invention. You had to reconsider your plan and start over.
Jules ran a hand through his hair. “Kane is taking advantage of you, and you know it.”
“Of course I do,” Zaria said dryly. “That’s the whole purpose of our agreement. He needs an alchemologist. We’re not exactly common.”
Jules stood, rage hardening the lines of his face. Zaria thought it was directed at her until he said, “Why the hell would your father teach you alchemology knowing full well what it does to a person? Why would he leave you with all his commissions? What kind of father does that to their only child?”
“It was his life,” Zaria said after a brief moment of contemplation. She’d asked herself the same thing countless times. “I think… it was all he had to give me. To ensure I could make a living after he was gone. One that didn’t involve the streets or the factories. Not to mention he needed my help while he was alive, especially after Cecile left.” The walls around her heart seemed to tighten as she said the dead woman’s name.
There was a beat of silence. Jules was breathing heavily, his chest rising and falling in quick succession. When he lifted his chin, hisgaze was sharp. “We need to get you out of London. Away from these commissions and whoever it is that wants to hurt you. And if that means working with Kane…” He shook his head, pressing his fists against his eyes. “I’m in.”
“You are?”
“Yeah. Let me help you. For real, this time.”
“You don’t have to—”
