Her heart broke looking at his small face, his skin mostly pale although his nose and cheeks were pink from the cold. She moved back beside him and pulled her son close, hugging him in her own cloak and pressing his face into her chest. She had put a double layer of clothes on him and a warm cloak, but somehow in the darkness it felt even colder than she had thought it would. She looked back the way they had come. Should they go back? And then she remembered the fear in Rhiannon’s face, and the way Arne had come into their room, clearly not trusting them. She had never thought she had anything to fear from Arne until today. Today she had accepted he would do anything to protect the settlement, and she was not truly a part of that. Protecting the settlement for Arne might mean betraying her and Caelin, and she wouldn’t let herself be at the mercy of someone else ever again.
Everything he had said had been true. Björn had nearly died, and everyone who had been paid by Lord Cenydd to retrieve her had survived due simply to luck. Perhaps it was time for her to not rely on anyone else nor put them in danger.
“Mama, I’m cold. I want to go home. You said we could stay in Kirkjaster. Please, can we go back?”
Gemma shivered as she remembered the fisherman’s face she’d glimpsed behind Arne’s shoulder. She hadn’t recognised the man, but if he had indeed come from Ir Ysgyn, he may very well have recognised her. Or had Ylva closed the door before he had had time to see her properly? The passageway was not well lit. She sighed.
“No, Caelin, I’m sorry. Those fishermen… they might tell other people where we are. And bad things might happen.”
“But Mama, I went and hid right away. We both stayed in our room. Arne will look after us. Please, can we go back?”
“Not today. We must keep going until we find somewhere to shelter tonight.”
“Are we running away again?”
Gemma gripped his hand tighter, but said nothing.
“Like we did from the rock? You didn’t want to stay there because it’s a bad place. The place that made my father die. But nothing bad happened to us in Kirkjaster. Why do we need to leave?” Caelin rarely whined, and it was her fault he was doing so now.
“I told you. Those men who arrived. If they saw us, if they know we are in Kirkjaster, they might send soldiers to attack the settlement or to force us to go home.”
“But we could hide again. And… and don’t we plan to go home one day?”
“Yes, but only once we are sure it’s safe.”
He frowned, but nodded, seeming to accept her reasoning. They continued on for a while, Caelin remaining thoughtful, until he stopped and sighed. “But it’s so cold.”
“Then we must keep walking. Come on. Do you want Arne to think you are brave, or a coward?” It was a low blow, and she regretted it when his face fell. Her son had never been a coward.
He looked longingly back the way they had come before starting onwards with an exaggerated sigh.
Gemma breathed a sigh of relief and glanced back as well. She had liked Kirkjaster and felt safe there, but if her brother was sending soldiers out to look for her, sooner or later they would find her or someone would see her and betray her to them. She had to go somewhere no one knew who they were. The biggest flaw in her plan was that she would most likely not be able to protect Caelin by herself, no matter how much she wanted to.
She swallowed. She didn’t want to rely on someone else’s good nature, but they would need protection. With the gold and silver she carried, carefully hidden so as not to draw attention to themselves, she could hire someone. There were mercenaries everywhere and that way, she would still be in control of their destinies. Surely one of them would be willing to accept payment to accompany them to safety. She only wished she knew where safety was.
As she turned to face the way they were going once more, she thought she caught movement out of the corner of her eye, but when she looked back, there was nothing. She shivered and hoped it was her imagination. She had a knife under her cloak and Ylva had shown her how to use it. But alone with a small child, even armed, she was vulnerable.
She sighed and continued on, doubting her decision more and more with every step. They’d already come so far today, but not far enough and they needed to find shelter soon. She’d had no choice. If Marcant found her, he would invade the settlement. Rhun might well do the same thing.
Would it be any worse to die at the hands of an enemy than it would to die at the hands of a supposed friend—or even family? She shuddered. Lady Aoife’s father had met such a cruel fate—Marcant had murdered him in cold blood when he was a guest at Car Cadell.
They carried on. The last of the daylight leached from the sky. Under the trees, it was darker still. She considered moving down to nearer the shore, although that gave them fewer places to hide and meant they would be visible to those out on the water as well as those on the paths. Caelin got slower and slower and finally stopped again.
“I’m tired, Mama. I can’t walk any further. And I’m so cold.”
There was a small trading settlement at the top of the loch called Tairmbert, located where the isthmus was, and she had hoped to reach there and find a room for the night. She had only travelled that way by boat before and had not realised it was so far. She had no idea how much further they still needed to go, but there was no way they would reach it before nightfall now.
“I’ll carry you,” she said and leaned over. Caelin wound his arms then his legs around her as she straightened. He was getting heavier day by day, or so it seemed, but at least it was warmer to carry him against her body like this. She wound her cloak around the two of them and set off once more. As she did so, a snowflake fell from the sky. And then another. The trees sheltered them a little at first, but soon the snow was heavy enough that it was making its way through the leaves and branches as well.
Despite Caelin’s warmth, she grew colder and colder. She wouldn’t be able to keep going much longer. It was time to stop and find some shelter. She swallowed. How far she had fallen to be desperate enough to be searching for somewhere to sleep on a cold winter’s night in a forest. Maybe she should start a fire and try to keep them warm, but… tears stung her cheeks and she brushed them away. They would survive; they had to. A fallen tree or, if she were lucky, a cave would provide shelter, although she would need to be careful of wild animals, even hibernating ones.
She reached a fork in the path and examined both routes. One led to the water while the other led uphill. There was no way she could face heading up the hill. She was too exhausted. Plus, shewas sure she was more likely to find a suitable spot to shelter nearer the water. Behind her, a twig snapped. She looked back and paused, then put her head down and hurried forward, towards paler light. Then she screamed and tried to right herself as she wavered on the edge of a steep drop and, just as she thought they’d slide down, powerful arms gripped hers and hauled them back. A hand over her mouth prevented her from screaming again, and she knew instantly who it was. He’d done the same thing yesterday.
She froze, knowing that if she struggled, it might send all three of them toppling over the edge onto the rocky shore below. And whatever else, she was safe with him.
“It’s just me,” said Arne. “I’ve got you. Now we’re going to take a few careful steps back up the path. All right?”
She nodded and stepped back at the same time he did.
