“Better than I deserved.” I drew in a breath, remembering. “He said being angry at me for loving Eric was like being angry at the sun for rising.”
“That’s either incredibly generous or incredibly passive-aggressive.”
“It was generous. That’s what makes it worse.”
We sat in silence for a moment. Somewhere in the house, I could hear the muffled sounds of the students—laughter, footsteps, the ordinary noises of young people who—even though they’d been warned—still had no concept of how close they were to something terrible.
“So,” Laura said finally. “What now?”
I flashed awell, duhlook at her. “I figured we’d try to close the portal and bind Samarek.”
“Well, yeah, sure. Because there’s always a demon to destroy. I meant now that Stuart’s gone. About Eric. The thing that was holding you back isn’t holding you back anymore.”
I shrugged. I’d been asking myself the same question since Stuart’s taxi disappeared around the bend. “I don’t know.”
“Bullshit.”
“Laura—”
“You know exactly what you want. You’ve known for months. Years, probably.” She leaned forward. “The question isn’t what you want. The question is whether you’re going to let yourself have it.”
“It’s not that simple.”
“It’s exactly that simple.” She ticked off points on her fingers. “Eric loves you. Has always loved you. He would walk through hellfire for you—has, in fact, literally done that. You love him. Stuart has released you. The only thing standing between you and the thing you want is you.”
“I know,” I admitted. “But I worry. He’s done some stupid, reckless shit.”
“I have a feeling he was sometimes stupid and reckless back when you were together before.”
She wasn’t wrong. “What if it doesn’t work out?” Because, yeah, that was my big fear. What if the thing I’d been wanting ever since I knew Eric was back turned out to be a McGuffin? “What if we try and it falls apart and we lose everything?”
“What if you don’t try and you spend the rest of your life wondering?”
“I hate it when you decide to be wise.”
“Yeah. I’m annoying that way.” She reached over to squeeze my hand. “Look. I get it. It’s scary. After everything you’ve been through—losing him the first time, building a life with Stuart,losing Stuart to the visions, getting Eric back but not really having him—the idea of actually being together, for real, with nothing in the way? That’s got to be a little terrifying.”
“It is.”
She took a long sip of wine before continuing. “But nothing’s going to happen if you don’t make it happen. Men are idiots. Even the good ones. Especially the good ones. They’ll wait forever, convinced they’re being noble, while you’re over here waiting for them to make a move.”
“Voice of experience?”
“How do you think I ended up with Cutter?” She laughed. “That man would have pined from a distance for the next decade if I hadn’t grabbed him by the collar and told him we were doing this.”
“And how did that work out?”
“The results were awesome.” Her smile turned wicked. “Very, very awesome.”
“I didn’t need to know that.”
“Yes you did. Because here’s the thing—you’re not going into this blind. Eric already loves you. You already love him. You’ve already been married, had a daughter together, faced death together. This isn’t a risk. This is a sure thing that you’re too scared to claim.”
I stared at my wine and thought about the woman holding the glass. The woman—who’d faced demons and portals and ancient evil but couldn’t seem to walk down a hallway and knock on a door.
“Stuart left partly so I could be with him,” I admitted quietly. “He told me that. He said he was letting me go so I could be a family with Eric.”
“Then don’t waste the gift he gave you.” Laura stood, taking her wine with her. “Stuart loved you enough to leave. The least you can do is love yourself enough to stay.”
