“What part of I’m not ready do you not understand?”
“And I’m not upset that Stuart is awake.”
I turned in my seat and glared at him. “Eric. I mean it. Not now.”
“I’m serious, too,” he said. “I’m happy that you have him back. For him being alive and okay, not to mentioned enhanced with a touch of the oracle.”
“Eric, just stop.”
“And,” he added, in a gentler tone. “I understand that this whole thing is confusing for you.”
I sagged back in my seat, giving in. “Nothing has changed,” I said. “Yes, we got physical, and yes, it didn’t suck. But nothing has changed.”
“Didn’t suck. That’s high praise indeed.”
“Eric, don’t you dare make a joke out of this.”
“I’m not. I swear.”
“It didn’t suck at all, and you know it. Farthest thing from it. Which is only one part of why this is so hard.”
“I know,” he said. “I really do.”
“And I mean it when I say that nothing has changed. You already knew that I still loved you. For that matter, Stuart knew it too. I made sure he knew it.”
“Look at me,” he said as he stopped at a light.
I did, almost sliding into those familiar eyes.
“I get it. I do understand. And I believe you when you say that nothing has changed. But that’s from your perspective, Kate. From mine, it’s everything. Whether or not I get to keep it, or if I just got to glimpse it, I don’t know. That depends on you.”
I stayed silent.
“Kate?” I turned to face him, but once again I said nothing.
“Will you tell him?”
I shifted so I could look out the window. “I have to.”
“But you haven’t yet.”
“He just woke up from a coma and Allie is missing. Somehow the timing seemed wrong. But I will tell him,” I said. Because the more I said it, the more I would start to believe it. I couldn’t keep this from him.
Eric sighed. “Right when I was starting to get along with the guy, too. Guess I burned everything to the ground.”
I felt the weight of his words through my body. “Eric, I am sorry. And I know it affects you too, but this isn’t a secret I can keep.” Even as I said the words though, I wished they weren’t true. I wanted to keep this a secret. I wanted this to be the final ending with Eric, something Stuart didn’t need to know anything about.
But that wasn’t the way the rules worked. I needed to tell him. But whether I needed to tell him because I truly believed he needed to know or because I needed to clear my conscience, I really wasn’t sure. And I wondered if it was fair to tell him if the latter was my true reason.
“You do what you have to do, Kate. But speaking of secrets, I’ve never made it a secret that this is a fight I want to win. I didn’t lose you fair and square. I lost you because the universe screwed us up. Because the demons got between us. Because I was dead when I wasn’t supposed to be.
Stuart got in the middle of that, and I’m sorry about that. But this is a fight I want to win. Your mine, Katie. And you always will be.”
I closed my eyes, my throat dry. I could hear the emotion in his voice. It was running through me, burning me. And the truth was, I wanted it, too. The bigger truth was that I wanted it all. At the end of the day I was greedy. I was greedy and confused and lost.
“Can we just...”
He held up a hand. “We’re here.” I looked out the window, and saw why he had stopped so suddenly. He had driven right into an alley. I could see Quiric clearly.
