Sure enough, there he was, stretched out on the mattress, his eyes closed.
“Are you awake?” I whispered.
“I’m here,” he said, opening his eyes and sitting up. “Didn’t seem like I was much help.”
“Right now, the best thing you can do is rest.”
As he nodded, I moved closer, thinking I was going to tell him everything. But when I reached his bed, all I said was, “I love you.”
“I know. I love you, too.”
“You don’t have to stay in here, you know. We have a bedroom. With a real bed. You don’t have an IV anymore and no one needs to keep a constant eye.”
He studied my face. “You were really worried.”
“Of course I was. I still am. You look so tired considering you’ve been sleeping for months.”
“The doctor said that was normal. Lots of vitamin packed shakes, then vitamin packed food and I’ll improve daily.”
“Good. Want to see our room?”
He smiled and his eyes crinkled in that way they had when we’d first started dating. “Yeah. I think I would.”
I helped him out of bed, then walked him out of the room and over to ours. “Fran’s moving in,” I said. “She’s going to be our child care person. Did you know she got divorced?”
“I’ve been a little absent.”
“Right. Yeah, well I didn’t know. Nine weeks ago. I’m a terrible friend.”
“I think you were preoccupied with other things,” he said. “Part of which was me. Sorry about that. Between me being absent and you trying to get the school up and running, I know you must have been going crazy.”
“I was, but it’s okay. Right now I just...” I shook my head. “I can’t stop being terrified. I keep telling myself I need to stop being terrified. That I need to think and do my job. But I can’t seem to help myself even though I know that Allie needs Clear-headed Mom. Not Terrified Mom.”
“You’ll find her.”
I drew in a breath. “I know. I have to. I can’t even consider any other outcome.”
As he takes my hand, I shake my head, clearing away my thoughts. “At any rate,” I said, trying to sound chipper, “I’m glad Fran’s going to be here. It’s nice having my friends know the truth.” I looked up at him. “I remember how nice it was when you learned the truth.”
I think about the secret. The truth I need to reveal. Now would be the perfect moment. But I can’t seem to do it.
Instead, I clear my throat, then nod toward our bed. “This is where we live now.”
“What happened to the house?”
“Eddie’s living there with Eric. But he’s engaged to Rita, and he wants Eric to move in here so she can move in and they can be alone.” I grinned. “Mostly, I think he believes we’ll be safer if Eric is on the premises. Honestly, I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
I think Stuart will agree, and I can suggest to Eric he live elsewhere. But Stuart only nodded and said, “Eddie’s right. Eric’s one hell of a fighter. And unless you did a significant remodel of this place, there’s plenty of bedrooms for all the instructors, and plenty of dorm rooms for the students.”
“No, you’re right about that. There’s tons of room.” I shrugged. “It’s just...” I trailed off, not knowing how I was going to finish that sentence. I knew I should tell him the truth, but I also knew that wasn’t going to happen. Not right then, anyway.
“I get it. This school is supposed to be your baby, and if Eric is here, then maybe it will feel more like a shared venture. But I think he’ll give you your space. We’ve had our differences, but he’s a good guy.”
“Yeah,” I said. “He is.”
I moved closer and kissed him gently on the cheek, feeling like a completely horrible person. “Anyway, you like the room?”
He turned in a circle, taking in the bare walls and the plain dresser. I never had been one for decorating, and I’d been a little busy.
