I leaned back. “So no help to us. It’s not as if we can know for sure.”
“It’s something, though. Maybe Stuart really is acting like a relay, sending warnings or messages.”
“I don’t know if that makes me feel better or worse. Especially since we don’t know who the messages are from. Is it Lilith sending them? God? Maybe just Stuart inside his head trying to figure things out?”
I ran my fingers through my hair. “It could be something we don’t even understand yet. Or maybe it’s nothing at all, just his brain fumbling around trying to find his way back to consciousness.”
I bit my lower lip, warding off tears as Eric looked at me, his expression hard but his gaze soft. “What?”
“I was wrong. This is like old times, after all.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Me reading and doing the research, and you taking everything in, spinning it around, and coming out with something brilliant.”
“I hardly think I’m being brilliant. More like confused and frustrated.”
“Fair enough. But what you were saying, it helps. It gets me thinking. And what I’m thinking is that you may be right.”
I shook my head. “Right how?”
“We don’t know why Stuart is talking, but I think there is a reason. It’s not random.”
“Then what is it?”
He shrugged.
“That’s it? That’s all you know?”
He shook his head, then closed the laptop and set it aside. “No. That’s not all.”
“Then what?”
“I know that I miss you. I’m sorry,” he continued, his hand on my thigh as he moved closer. “I know you don’t want me to say it, but it’s true.”
“Eric…” His name was meant to be a protest, but I didn’t move away. “You miss me, too,” he said.
“You know I do. But—”
He pressed his finger to my lips. “I’m going to kiss you, Katie. Stop me now if you really want to, but honestly, I don’t think you do.”
He was right. Damn me, he was right. And though I knew I would hate myself forever, I leaned in and lost myself in the pleasure of Eric’s kiss. Of being in the arms of the first man I’d ever loved. A man who, I knew, could erase all my fears and doubts, even if only for a little bit.
He deepened the kiss, pulling me closer, his hands roaming my body until I could no longer think about right or wrong, grief or love. Until all I knew was Eric, his touch so familiar even in this new body.
I want to say there was guilt. I want to be the woman who at least hesitated. But I didn’t. He was my husband returned to me. One of two men I loved desperately. And when he carried me to the bed, I knew Eric was the only thing I wanted in that moment. Our love had survived death, and being together was a sacrament.
“I love you, Kate,” he said later as we held each other naked under the covers. “Please tell me you don’t regret that.”
“Would you understand if I did?”
“Of course,” he said, stroking my cheek as we looked at each other.
“Thank you.” I swallowed, hating what I had to admit. “And I don’t regret it.” I leaned forward and kissed him. “Well, maybe a little. It’s all very confusing.”
“I know. When hasn’t our life been confusing or challenging?”
“When we moved to San Diablo,” I told him. “The years before you died.”
