“Just like…” Bianca squeezes her fingers together. “A tiny omission.”
“What…” I can’t breathe when he winces. “What does that mean?”
“It means there was a moment when we were skinny dipping that it almost became something more. There was some kissing and touching, but we stopped it. It didn’t go any further than that.” He straightens, his arms curling around me to keep me in place as he rests his forehead against my temple. His breath flutters across my cheek. “It wasn’t serious. It didn’t mean anything. You believe me?”
He was a huge playboy when we met. It wouldn’t have been weird if he and Bianca had shared something. “That’s not the problem. You had to know I could find out at some point.” I stare into a gaze I thought was free of secrets. I thought I knew everything about him. That we had nothing left to uncover about each other. But it’s obvious there will always be new things to learn about each other. “Why not tell me if it didn’t mean anything? It would have been nice to have known what I was getting into.”
“Because there was nothing to tell.” He glares at her before he makes me the center of his focus. “And anything you find online that suggests we were anything more than friends was because we decided to have fun with the paparazzi.”
“That’s true. It was fun. A lot of fun.” Bianca giggles. “You and me and Ethan. You and me and Linc.” She reaches for him.
“Stop it.” He dodges her touch without breaking eye contact with me. “Baby, that’s all it was. We were bored and young and fucking around.” He pales. “Not fucking around like that.”
I believe him; that it was nothing with Bianca. But that doesn’t change the fact that he has a lot more experience than I do. So much more. One-night stands, casual hookups, threesomes? And I expect him to want me, and me alone, for the rest of his life? With my lack of prowess and carnal knowledge?
“If married sex ever gets stale, I’m available,” Bianca says. “I like women too.”
“I need some air.” I climb off Rogue’s lap and make a beeline for the exit. How could I ever possibly hope to be enough to satisfy him long-term? How did I ever convince myself I could be enough for a man like him?
“Ivy,” Rogue calls out. “Baby, will you stop?”
I can’t breathe. I can’t stop my feet from propelling me outside. Unshed tears burn my eyes as I fight for air around the lump in my throat.
“Talk to me, Ivy,” Rogue begs.
I shake my head. I can’t seem to speak. My voice has deserted me.
Bianca stumbles after us. “I think I’ve really screwed up, haven’t I? I was just playing around, Ivy. We really didn’t date or anything. We messed around like friends sometimes do. I didn’t think it would be a big deal. It’s in the past. He’s slept with, like, half the city anyway.”
“Christ’s sake, Bianca.” Rogue growls at her as he catches up to me. Grasping my arm, he tugs me into his embrace. “Ivy, please, baby. You know that was before you. It was all before you.”
“Except that one girl you kissed,” I whisper. It didn’t mean anything. Alec set him up, and he was drunk. I forgave him then, and I usually don’t bring it up. I haven’t thought about it in ages.
It’s like the universe is sending me a sign. Eventually he’ll get bored with me and want something else. Something new and novel.
“I would take it back if I could.” His voice is labored with as much guilt as it was the morning after it happened.
There is a pang in my chest. I don’t want him to feel pain because of my insecurities.
“Who haven’t you slept with?” Bianca calls out. “Other than Rochelle.”
Rogue stiffens. His grip tightens.
My breath catches. Did he sleep with Rochelle too? Before... before everything went to hell for her.
“That never happened.” He stares into my eyes.
“And Summer, but I bet you’ve thought about it.” Bianca sneers. “I’d be concerned about my lack of experience if I was Ivy. What if she’s getting a bad deal, and she doesn’t know it?”
Is Bianca reading my mind now? What if my lack of experience means I can’t hold his attention? There’s a big difference between the time we’ve been together and forever.
“What the fuck is your problem, Bianca?” Letting me go, he storms toward her. “What is wrong with you tonight?”
“You’re not getting a bad deal.” She directs this to me and giggles.
I’m well aware of how lucky I am. That doesn’t stop me from feeling queasy over this conversation.
“Stop it.” He snatches the bottle out of her hand. He throws it on the dirt and the bubbles spill out.
