My voice drops even lower as I use the name that belongs only to her. “I’ll always keep you safe. I love you more than you will ever know, my songbird.”
LIVY
Iarrive at the research library just after my last class lets out.
The building is quieter than the main library, which is exactly why I like it. The tall windows let in soft afternoon light, and the long rows of bookshelves make everything feel tucked away from the rest of campus. Most people don’t bother coming here unless they’re working on something serious.
Which is perfect for what I’m doing.
I like to work in my room, if I’m honest, but I’m trying to push myself not to seclude myself like I tend to do. Plus, apparently, Ronan stayed over in Miranda’s room last night, which is super weird. I get that not everything has to be a monogamous relationship all the time, and people in college want to have fun and hook up with each other. But what’s weird to me is that since I’ve known him Ronan has been obsessed with Juniper. He doesn’t say it outright, mostly because I think he knows Kalen will beat him up, but he’s terrible at hiding it. He’s not as obvious about it when Kalen is around, but when it’s just us girls, I get the ick at how he talks to her. It’s like he tries to emulate the way Kalen is with her. Like he wants to be bossy,but doesn’t have the confidence to take what she dishes out and follow through. Maybe I’m wrong, maybe he doesn’t like her, maybe he’s just weirdly obsessed with trying to be like Kalen. I have heard of weirder things, and I don’t have the energy to figure out someone like that. I just know I don’t like to be alone with him.
When I got up to brush my teeth this morning Ronan and Miranda were in our little kitchenette arguing about something pretty intense. I got my stuff together and headed out as soon as I could before I could get dragged into it.
I slide into one of the long wooden tables near the back and drop my bag into the chair beside me, pulling my laptop out while my mind drifts somewhere else entirely.
I’m well rested for the first time in a very long time, and I have Sebastian to thank for that. Heat creeps up my neck immediately and I duck my head, pretending to focus on the computer screen while my cheeks warm. I wanted him to come over last night, but I wasn’t sure what would happen if he did. It’s a weird feeling because in the back of my mind, I’m warning myself that I’m getting in too far too fast. But when I’m with him, I just want to be a regular college student flirting with the dreamiest guy I’ve ever seen in real life.
And the way he treats me?
God.
It’s like his life’s goal is to worship me and make me happy, and I don’t know what I did to make him feel that way. My fingers hover over the keyboard for a moment as the memory of last night slips back in my mind. The way he showed up in my room in the middle of the night and looked at me like I was something precious.
My stomach flutters and I press my lips together, trying to focus on literally anything besides the way he touched me. I don’t know what I thought his mouth would feel like on me, butit was like he was dying of thirst and I was the only glass of water in sight.
I fell asleep almost immediately afterward, which I feel bad about. I’ll have to make it up to him soon, which I think I know just how I’m going to do that.
I don’t remember anything after Sebastian cuddling me against his bare chest. One minute he was whispering something to me in the darkness of my room and the next thing I knew, sunlight was spilling through my window. I felt so different than I have in a long time when I finally eased out of bed.
I’m still not sure if I feel so rejuvenated because of the intense orgasm that felt like it shook my entire body or because Sebastian stayed with me through the night.
Probably both.
My face heats even more at the thought. I can still feel his warm breath on my inner thoughts and the little noises he made when he tasted me for the first time. I got the distinct impression that this man enjoyed pleasuring me as much as I enjoyed his tongue on me.
When I woke up this morning, Sebastian was already gone, but I expected that because I know from hearing Juniper talk about Kalen that they have rugby practice super early in the morning. I kinda wish he would have woken me up to say goodbye, but I know how he is about me sleeping so I understand why he didn’t. He did surprise me, though. When I rolled over to his side of the bed, there was a rugby jersey that had been folded neatly on the pillow beside me. The deep navy fabric smelled faintly like him, and tucked inside the collar was a small note written in messy handwriting. Lying next to it was my favorite pink water bottle filled with cold water.
It would be my honor if you'd wear this to my game tonight. PS. Drink your water today, baby.
I read it three times before my brain fully caught up with the words. I like to pretend that I think he’s coming on too strong. That it’s too much, too soon, but the stupid grin I’ve had every time I think of him says otherwise. I know I’ll see him tonight after his game, but I’ve been on edge wondering if maybe I’ll bump into him before then.
It’s silly, but seeing him would really brighten my entire day.
I shake the thought away and finally log into the library system with my student ID, pulling up the archives I’ve been digging through for weeks.
News articles.
Police reports.
Anything that could be remotely connected to my parents. I was too young to really have any concept of what was going on, and because of the trauma of seeing them die, I’ve blacked so much of my childhood out. It wasn’t just that event, but even things before that. I vaguely remember someone holding me still. Covering my mouth, maybe? I don’t even know if I was screaming.
Their murder was brutal. The kind of story that gets picked up by every local news station for weeks before eventually fading into background noise when the next tragedy happens.
Except for me, it never faded. Unfortunately, because I was so young when all of it happened, everyone I came into contact with wanted to shield me from what was going on. Then I started getting moved from one home or facility to the next where they didn’t know or really care what my background was, they just wanted the money involved for letting me stay with them.
The man responsible has been searching for me for almost the entire decade since my parents died. He’s come close to getting his hands on me once than once, but by luck he’s been unsuccessful. It’s morbid to say this, but I’ll never have any peace until he’s finally dead or in prison for the rest of his days. The only way either of those things can happen is if he finds me or if I find him. I don’t like to think of myself as a violent person, but I’m not going to be his victim any longer. Sitting here now, scrolling through headline after headline about my parents’ deaths, I realize something strange.
I’m not scared.
