“When have I ever not given you exactly what you’ve asked for, Ellie girl? The cabin is stocked. Worst case is we have to stay a few extra days before we can bring the bike back to campus,” I tell her, and she practically squeals as she throws her arms around my neck. Without thinking about who could walk by my open office door or the implications of how this is wildly inappropriate for the guardian and ward situation we’re in right now, I scoop her up and hold her to me. I can’t help myself and bury my face in her hair, breathing in deeply. She smells like fucking sweet rose water, and I desperately need to know what my girl tastes like.
Ellie melts into me for half a second before we hear my players storming down the hallway toward the locker room. I make no move to let her go. I’ve never held her this way, and I’m not ready for it to be over. She’s so fucking soft, and I want to know what her thighs feel like wrapped around my hips. Someone kicks what sounds like an empty trashcan in the hallway, and that’s what makes Ellie pull away from me.
I’m not ready for it when she wiggles out of my arms and says, “I need to go pick something up before we leave. I’m soexcited. Thank you!” Ellie pushes up on her tiptoes and rests her hands on my chest for half of a second before she pecks me on the lips so quickly I’m not sure if I’ve imagined it.
“I’ll meet you by your bike in like twenty minutes so we can get going!” she calls over her shoulder as she heads to my door. My lips are buzzing where her soft, pink lips brushed so gently against mine. She kissed me. It wasn’t a passionate, romantic kiss, but it’s something she doesn’t do to anyone else. In fact, Ellie is almost painfully shy around most people. Around me, though? She’s a chatterbox and I fucking love it. I never want her to stop talking, telling me every thought that bounces through her mind.
I think she’s gone, probably halfway down the tunnel until I realize she’s back at my door, holding onto the frame and leaning in to smile at me. “Thanks again, Cillian. It’s the best present I’ve ever gotten,” she says sincerely, and then she is gone again, leaving me to stand in my office with what I’m sure is a stunned look on my face.
I don’t know what any of this means, or what I should do about it considering the forbidden state of our relationship. So I do the only thing I can do right now.
I head to the locker room to yell at Lockwood for the next twenty minutes.
ELLIE
Ican’t believe I had enough courage to kiss Cillian Kavanagh. Ireallykissed him on the lips, and he didn’t tell me it was wrong. I feel the rumble of his groan through his back as I wrap my arms around his hard stomach. I scoot up behind him, and he’s so warm. In the last few months that I’ve been living with him, he’s unfortunately never crossed the line with me.
I might be kind of shy, but that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have a boyfriend or a lover if I wanted one. That’s the thing, though. I’ve never wanted one until I met my father’s old college friend. Cillian is handsome in a ruggedly pretty sort of way. He has the bluest eyes I’ve ever seen in my life, and his dark blonde hair is wavy and just long enough to curl up around the sides of a baseball cap whenever he wears one. He has full lips that are usually in a pout, and eyelashes long enough to draw envy from every woman I know. I’ve never trusted anyone, not even female friends, not even my dad when it comes down to it. I love my dad, and I think he did the best he could, but after my mom left, he spiraled. I had to parent him in a lot of ways, and parent myself as well.
I trust Cillian with my life, and it’s not just because I’m attracted to him. He’s been kind to me when he didn’t have to be. I thought for a while that he only helped me because he had a fondness for my father, but I don’t think that’s the case anymore. When either of us bring up my father, I can see the look of disgust on Cillian’s face, and he flat out told me that he’s angry at my dad for leaving me alone the night Cillian took me in.
I get tingles throughout my entire body when he reaches back to tap my outer thigh. His fingers linger, squeezing. There’s nothing except the thin fabric of my leggings between his hand and my skin. I thought he was signaling to me that he was going to go faster and didn’t want to scare me, but other than a few moments when he needs both hands, he keeps his hand there. The chills creeping up my body have nothing to do with the cold front that’s sweeping through, and everything to do with that fact that Coach Kav, as he’s unaffectionately known, is holding onto me like he doesn’t want to let me go. I’m probably getting my hopes up, but if I have anything to do with it, we’re going to spend our time at his cabin wrapped in each other’s arms. I see the way he looks at me sometimes, so I’m confident that he finds me attractive, but I’m not sure how far things can go. Cillian certainly is not the type of man who is going to risk his reputation by being caught dating a student. I don’t want to do anything to cause him any trouble, especially not at his work, but it’s hard to not hope when he feels this good pressed against me.
I peek over his shoulder, and I can see the treeline that borders his property getting closer. There are mountains kissing the skyline, and the sky is a beautiful orange and pink as if the universe is trying to give us one last splash of color before the snowstorm sweeps through town. As much as I wanted to come to the cabin, I don’t want this to end. I find myself squeezing myself closer to Cillian’s muscular back, pressing my cheek against his worn leather jacket. He must notice, because hemoves his hand from my thigh to my hand on his stomach. He’s all hard muscles and golden skin.
Cillian moves my hand up to his sternum and presses my palm down hard. I can feel his heart beating rapidly against my fingers. He squeezes my hand, and I realize that he wants me to feel how hard his heart is pounding. Something about the gesture makes me suddenly feel brave. I find the hem of his shirt and slip my fingers under it. It's like I'm drawn to the exact spot over his heart. I smile against his jacket, cuddling closer to his big body because even over the engine, I can hear what sounds like a curse leave his mouth.
There’s something so comforting about the strong, steady pulse of his heart beating under my fingertips. I’ve never been this intimately close to another person, and something inside of me tells me I never will. We turn down the dirt road that leads to his cabin, and I feel the bike begin slowing down, and suddenly all I feel is panicked. The excitement I had about coming back here is clouded with the dread of knowing I’ll have to let go of him.
Will he be this casually affectionate with me once we get inside? Will he have too much time to think about it? To realize what going too far could mean? We can’t go back, and from my estimation, we’re all each other has right now.
“What do you think?” Cillian asks, I guess because I haven’t made a move to hop off of the bike. I squeeze my arms around him one more time, and I feel him lean back into my hold. It feels like butterflies are swooping down into my stomach right now. I keep my face against his back, because I just need one more moment to feel this safe and comforted. “Finding pink outdoor Christmas lights isn’t as easy as you’d think,” he says, chuckling as if he’s remembering the hoops he had to jump through to get them.
“Oh, my gosh,” I say, jerking my head up to look at the cabin. True to his word, the entire place is decked out with light pink Christmas lights. “How? Why? I mean, I love them. Thank you.” I breathe out, still trying to take in the sight, and then I realize what I’ve just said. “I…um… I shouldn’t assume that they’re for me, but they’re pink and…”
I huff, stopping mid-sentence and just give up trying to explain what I’m thinking.
“Of course, they’re for you, Ellie Girl.” Cillian chuckles, which is a nice sound that I don’t hear very often. I reluctantly let him go and swing my leg over to hop down. He grabs my forearm, holding on until I stretch my legs and find my balance. He lets go long enough to turn off the bike and hop off. He’s in front of me in just two ground-eating strides. Cillian leans down and places his hand on my shoulder. The way his bright blue eyes are boring into mine is so intense that I can’t help but feel the blush creeping up my neck and coloring my cheeks. He’s so handsome, I can barely string a thought together to say anything to him. He takes care of that and all my doubts by saying, “I think it’s pretty clear that everything I do in this life is for you.”
I feel like I’m soaring on cloud nine because everything I’ve wished for in the last eight months is wrapped up in that little sentence. Cillian Kavanagh is showing me his cards, and I’m not sure what to do with myself. I’m nervous, excited, and grateful for everything he has done for me.
There’s only one thing I want now, and that’s him. I can feel myself starting to get in my head. I have no experience with flirting, but I’m going to do my best.
“Is that so?” I ask him cheekily, because I realize that just because I want whatever he’s willing to give me, doesn’t mean I can’t have a little fun with him before I let all my feelings out. A little payback for making me wait eight months.
“How about taking me inside to get a change of clothes? That little patch of snow flurries we passed through did a number on my leggings,” I tell him, reaching for his big hand. I turn slightly away from Cillian, and he doesn’t offer any resistance when I press it against my left ass cheek, letting him feel the damp fabric. I gasp when he flexes his fingers into the flesh and his eyes lift to mine. I’ve never seen him like this. He looks feral, raw, unhinged.
I’m caught by surprise when Cillian lets go of my ass and turns me to face him. His hand lifts to my neck, his long fingers circling around it. He’s so gentle yet firm at the same time.
“You need to be very careful with your next move, Ellie.” Cillian’s words are strained as his eyes flutter back and forth between my eyes and lips. He frowns, like he’s waging some sort of internal war I’m not privy to. “I feel so protective of you, but if we take this too far, I won’t be able to control myself,” he says, loosening his hold on my neck slightly. He doesn’t let go. Instead, he slides his fingers up and down the column of my throat, groaning when I purposely swallow. Is he imagining how far he could fit down my throat? Is he wondering if I’d try to swallow as much of him as possible? He’s not being the protective guardian right now, and instead he’s easing himself into taking what he wants from me.
I realize that I need to push his buttons in order to get him to snap. I’m feeling brave right now, and I’m willing to do anything in order to get him to take what he clearly wants from me. I kick my shoes off easily, and I can see the confusion on his face. We’re in the middle of nowhere, it’s nearly sunset, so I shake off the nerves and full send it.
I swipe my leggings down and kick them off, leaving me standing there in front of him in my panties, cropped top and jacket. They’re lacy, lavender, and super cheeky. Cillian noticesbecause his hands instinctively move to my hips, but I’m too quick for him.
I snatch the keys out of his hand and take off running for the cabin where my life changed and is about to change again. I squeal when I look over my shoulder and see Cillian walking after me at a quick pace. I sprint toward the wooden steps where Cillian first held me while simultaneously trying to find the key to open the front door.
It’s not in the cards for me because the next thing I know, Cillian has both of my wrists in one of his hands, pinning them behind my back. The keys fall to the deck, and I twist my neck to look up at him. I think he’s going to take me inside, but instead he walks me over to the hand-crafted wooden bench and takes a seat.
