CHAPTER 45
WILDER
My eyes are heavy,and I’m dead on my feet from not sleeping in fuck knows how long.
But I can’t remember the last time I felt so at peace as I do right now, sitting across from Maisie, watching her shove french fries drowned in nacho cheese into her mouth.
She moans loudly around the mouthful, eyes shut like she’s savoring the best thing she’s ever tasted, and I chuckle.
Her eyes pop open, revealing those pretty baby blues, and she lifts a brow. “Are youjudgingme right now, Wilder?”
I laugh. “No, but I am trying to keep from getting hard in this shitty-ass diner while you’re making noises like that.”
Maisie’s cheeks stain bright pink, and she shakes her head. “You’re ridiculous. Eat one, and then you’ll understand.”
The last thing I expected was for her to run out into the parking lot after me at Jack’s earlier.
I didn’t expect the shit that stumbled out of my mouth to happen either, and I sure as fuck never planned to feel the things that I’m feeling. But it was all the truth, even if I have no damn idea how to handle it.
Complicated as fuck for someone like me, who doesn’t know how to regulate shit, how to communicate in a way that isn’t toxic.
But seeing her in Jack’s tonight and wishing I was the one beside her… I blew through whatever fucking invisible line there was drawn between us. And now, there’s no looking back.
It made me realize that even if she’s not mine fully, even if she never will be, I can’t stand the thought of her being with anyone else.
Sharing her with anyone.
Like I needed any further proof of how much of a selfish asshole I already knew I was.
So, when she asked me to take her somewhere for burgers… I did.
We drove forty minutes outside of the city to Big Easy, a diner that I remember visiting once when I was a kid. One of the only memories I have as a child with my mother that doesn’t make my stomach curdle.
I can’t remember why she took me here or why we were so far away from home. I was too young.
I just remember having a cheeseburger and it being the best thing I’d ever tasted in my entire fucking life, juicy and dripping with grease. The french fries were so hot they put a blister on the top of my mouth, but I couldn’t stop eating them, no matter how hot they were. I remember running my tongue over it for days after, even though it hurt. And I remember begging my mother for a milkshake and how she told me that she wasn’t wasting any more of her money on me. That it was bad enough she had to buy me food with money she didn’t have.
Jesus, I was all of fucking six years old.
One of the waitresses heard me begging, and I guess the shit that my mother was telling me, and felt sorry for me because the next thing I knew, she was sliding a chocolate shake with a hugedollop of whipped cream and two cherries sitting on top across the table to me.
I used to think that was the best day of my life.
When Maisie said she wanted me to take her somewhere, this is the place I thought of. Nowhere near campus, where no one we knew, at least anyone who gave a shit about health codes, would be.
The perfect place to blend in and not be noticed.
To be alone with Maisie, but in public, doing something normal.
And this feels like the most normal thing I’ve ever done.
“What’s your favorite movie?” she asks around another mouthful, yanking me back to the present.
I shrug. “No clue. I can’t tell you the last time I watched one.”
“Oh yeah. I forgot the wholeno TVin your apartment thing. Which is still insane to me, but…” She twists her lips together. “We should go to a movie, then. Obviously not right now since it’s almost…” Her eyes flick down at her phone resting on the top of the table. “Midnight.”
Shit. No wonder I’m half-dead. I’ve been up for almost twenty-four hours at this point.
