He's quiet.
"That's what I thought." I move to the bathroom. "I need space. Tonight. Tomorrow. I need to think."
"Gemma—"
"Please. Just give me this. Give me space to figure out what I want. Who I want to be. Without you telling me. Without you deciding for me."
I close the bathroom door.
And I sink to the floor, crying.
Because I love him. God, I love him.
But love isn't enough.
Not if he can't see me. Really see me.
Not as potential. Not as a weapon. Not as something to protect or use or manage.
Just as me.
Gemma.
Whoever the hell that is.
CHAPTER 30
Saint
There are few times in my life where I've stayed my hand. Tonight was one of them.
Gemma locked herself in the bathroom. Even from outside the door, I hear her crying. Deep, muffled, painful sobs. She's trying to stop. Every so often, I hear her gasping for air, trying to catch her breath.
Then, she starts up again.
I fucking hate myself for this.
I hate myself for not finding a way to be better. Not finding a way out of this marriage.
Not because I don't love her.
I do. I love her more than I could ever love a single person. Hell, I'm not sure I could love my own child as much as I love Gemma. The feelings are that intense.
Outside of Antonio, Gemma is the only person I've ever seen as my equal. She's smart, cut-throat, and willing to do whatever is necessary to survive.
No, I should have let her go the second I started to feel anything for her.
I can't lie to her. Yes, I feel like she's my equal, but we will never be that in the way that she needs. If that's what she wantsshe should divorce me. Not that I'd ever fucking let her do that. She's mine. She'll always be mine.
Equality though…
That's not something I can give her. Not in this world. My men would oust me in a moment. It might be the new millennium for the rest of the world, but in ours, the patriarchy is alive and well.
Another sob sounds from the bathroom, and it rips into me.
Every instinct screams at me to break down the door, and to tell her whatever she wants to hear, but I can't.
She asked for space, and if I've learned anything, it's that not listening to what she asks is what got us here.
