“It does to me.” He tapped his finger on her knee before tracing a soft circle on her skin. “Humor me with the answer.”
“It just didn’t work out.” She shrugged.
“Did he love you back?”
Jesus. This was a shitty game. Answering honestly was going to cause a fight. One of epic proportions. “I don’t know. I believe so, but we never said the words.”
“If you could go back in time and say them, would you?” He took her hand and laced his fingers through hers.
“Hindsight is perfect vision.” She pursed her lips. This was a dangerous game, and he had to know he was playing with fire. But so was she, because she wasn’t going to lie. Not now. Not this time. “But I’m not sure I would.”
He scowled. “Why not?”
“I don’t believe he was ever ready to hear them. It always felt like he had one foot out the door. As if he were waiting for something to happen. Something that would give him the excuse he needed to walk away.” She reached out, cupping his scruffy face. “When that something did happen and he left, he cut me to the core.”
“I never meant to do that.” He curled his fingers around her wrist and kissed her palm.
“Interesting that you think I’m talking about us.”
“I know you are.” His mouth turned upward into a half smile. “And I did love you back then. Hell, I still love you. I want to tell you what happened that changed me.”
“Oh, Patch. I know about that mission. And what you have failed to understand about yourself is that you’ve always been the kind of man who absorbs the impact of death. Of other people’s suffering. You hold on to it like a damn badge of honor. But up until that mission, you were always able to let it go, eventually.”
He opened his mouth, but she hushed him with a kiss. “I get why that one was hard. The mothers. The children. It was a lot, and you’re one man. You could only be expected to do so much.”
Running a hand over his face, he let out a long breath. “Technically, we were together for five years. But between both our deployments, all we had were stolen moments. That didn’t stop me from falling in love with you. However, there were things about your job that you couldn’t tell me.”
“It always seems to come back to the fucking 73.”
“Maybe, but I didn’t want to stop you from going after what you wanted.” He chuckled. “I went into that mission believing that when I came out, you and I were going to have the talk… as in the love conversation. For the first time in my life, I thought about things like a family and the future. But that mission stopped me dead in my tracks. I still have nightmares about it.”
“I can only imagine.”
“What’s even wilder is when Hannah told me she was pregnant, I realized what a fool I’d been. I had every intention of banging down your door.”
“But then she was gunned down,” Savvy whispered.
“Yeah.”
A slow silence spread between them. But this time, no distance hung over them. Nothing to separate them. Nothing to keep the raw emotions at bay.
“Of course, Langley happened after that,” he added softly. “But I spent a lot of time out here in that very cabin.” He jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “Thinking about you… about us… and what I’d do if given a second chance. I never believed for one second that was possible. When McGuire called and you needed my help, I still didn’t think in those terms. Even that first night we had in my cabin, it was all some wild, blurry dream because in my mind, you were always going back.”
“I still have things I’ll need to deal with, even if I don’t stay with my current post.”
“I know.” He nodded. “And I’m good with that. But I need to know two things.”
“And they are?”
“Is this our second chance? And do you love me?” He peered over her shoulder. “Do you hear that?”
The hum of an engine in the distance tickled her brain. “I do.”
He made a weird noise from deep in his throat. It sounded like a frog. Or maybe a combination of a frog and a gator. She wasn’t sure. It came off like a horn… one long, two short.
“Want me to get McGuire?”
“Nope. I just called him.”
