He blew out a breath and made his way down to the dock. His entire life had been a tightrope between easy… and hard. His career was damn hard. Green Beret Combat Medic wasn’t for the faint of heart. He’d killed men… and he’d put men back together. And he’d done so by being able to set aside his humanity. He had to. You couldn’t look at the torn-up bodies that lined the battlefield as people with families back home. If you did that, you’d never make it past your first tour. No, they were rag dolls he tried to stuff and stitch. The ones who didn’t make it, he’d cry and mourn for when he returned Stateside. Those that did, he celebrated by moving on to the next and staying focused on not being the reason someone died unless they were the enemy.
However, when he came home, his life was flipping easy. He knew how to separate the two worlds, and he did so… until he couldn’t. Eventually, the demons caught up to him and his world blurred. It had become increasingly difficult to compartmentalize. His military life bled into his other life, and that made him a little crazy. If he were being honest, it was in part why he ran so fast from Savvy. She was from both worlds, and he couldn’t have her in the part of his life that was filled with calm and joy, especially when her world was filled with bullets and chaos.
McGuire glanced over his shoulder as he cast out another line. He didn’t smile. He wasn’t that best friend waiting to shoot the shit. This was the older brother, ready to fight, looking at the man who still had feelings for his kid sister but had walked away because things got a little too real. Because things hit a little too close to home.
The air outside was thick, buzzing with insects and early-evening heat. Fog rolled over the swamp like breath, curling between the cypress roots.
Patch didn’t bother with pleasantries. “She tell you what really happened?”
McGuire nodded once. “Enough and what she didn’t say, the silence filled in for me.”
Patch leaned against the dock post, arms crossed, grateful McGuire allowed this conversation over the other. “That mission wasn’t meant to succeed.”
“No. It wasn’t.”
A long stillness stretched between them, filled only by the groan of wood and the distant cry of something in the reeds.
McGuire shifted first. “What’s your gut tell you about West? Do you think he’s clean?”
“I do,” Patch said. “If he wanted her gone, he wouldn’t have sent her in with a team. He would’ve sent a bullet on a busy street, masking it as something else. You know that’s what we would’ve done.”
McGuire nodded. “Still. Someone signed off on the false intel. Someone knew she’d take the bait. Someone high up, and not many people knew what was going down, like Vance.”
“I struggle with him too, but we’ve got to look into both of them without making waves or setting off alarms.” Patch’s jaw flexed. “She’s not just on the run. She’s in someone’s crosshairs.”
“I’m worried about doing too much digging. I’m afraid we’ll bring trouble right to our doors, and not only do we need to protect my sister, but we need to protect this organization. We need to protect Shadow Hounds.”
“I hear you.” Patch nodded. “Has Remy contacted Darius Ford in the Colorado branch? Booker told me he’s like a magician when it comes to all things tech. If anyone can figure out some of this without leaving tiny breadcrumbs, it’s him.”
“Remy said Darius would be in touch,” McGuire said. “His wife is also ex-FBI. She’s got some interesting contacts. Corbin Rivers over in the Yellowstone branch, his wife is ex-MI6. She’s going to look for chatter on foreign channels about this.”
“That’s casting a big net.” Patch sighed. “All the more reason to keep Savvy out here with me. If I need to, we can disappear up these waterways and only you and the team would know how to find us.”
McGuire waved his hand toward the door. “You still care about her.” It wasn’t framed as a question. It was an absolute statement.
“So, we are going to have this conversation,” Patch mumbled. It had been years since they had it and it amazed Patch they'd successfully avoided it when the shit hit the fan with Riven. He wasn’t sure how it would go this time because nothing had changed. Not one goddamn thing. Except maybe he was even more damaged.
“Yeah, we are,” McGuire said.
“Caring about Savvy is the easy part. I’ll never stop, but I can’t ever be with her. Not like you want me to be. Not like I wish I could be, especially not since Hannah or what went down with Langley. Those two things changed everything.”
That hung out in the mosquito-infested swamp for a hot second.
“Interesting that you’re bringing up two things that had nothing to do with you walking away from my sister five years ago.” McGuire tilted his head. “Those events were?—”
“Yeah, twelve or so months ago, and the catalyst to what brought us here,” Patch said. “Your sister’s life is out there.” He waved his hand wildly. “Doing things and mine is… well… here. Doing this.”
“You’re not the same man you used to be.” McGuire gave a slow nod. “She’s not the same girl you knew back then.”
“I know, but all the more reason this conversation doesn’t even need to happen.”
“She doesn’t trust as easily. And she sure as hell doesn’t break easily.”
“I’ve always known that about her,” Patch said. “But I did wound her when I walked away. I know that she can’t admit it. I wish things were different. That I was different. But even if I was the kind of man who could be with a woman for the long haul, Savvy wasn’t ready for that man five years ago. If I hadn’t left when I did, because of the job that we all never speak of, she would have drop-kicked my ass out the door and don’t you try to tell me something different.”
“You never gave her the chance to tell you otherwise.” McGuire shot his hand up. “I understand why you broke up with Savvy. I also know she let you, but come on, you didn’t give her much of a choice. You all but told her that you didn’t love her and were incapable of that kind of love. Meanest thing I’ve ever seen you do. You’re damn lucky I forgave you.”
“The only reason you did is because you didn’t believe I loved her.”
