Page 62 of The Jaded Notes

Trembling Hands & Pretty Promises I break.

My tie is too tight…and now lines are blurred.

Hold it together, Jaxon. You’ve done this before.

I adjust my tie for the fourth time in two minutes. My heart is pounding even though I’m trying to steady it.

And Livianna… She’s not acting like herself, which is making this worse. She’s quiet in a way that isn’t her. I’m not sure who this version of her is, and it’s fucking with my head…big time.

I knew giving in to my temptation would wreck me. And here I am, living it out for the entire restaurant to witness. Anyone with eyes can see how strained we are.

The guests here probably think she’s my sister and I’m giving her a hard time about something she’s done. I growl and turn my head away.

The problem is she’s wearing the red dress I picked out specifically for her and looks downright sexy as sin. I’mmagnetized to her. I try to play it cool, reclining in my chair. I gaze at her.

Livianna’s eyes flit around the room. Her hands go under the table. It’s a dead giveaway she’s either scratching at her skin or thinking about it. She has that look about her.

I angle my head toward her. “Livianna?”

She doesn’t say anything. She faces toward the entrance and shifts to the side like she’s a jaguar about to flee.

“I’m sorry, Jax.” She stands and grabs her purse off the table. “I thought I could do this, but I can’t. I wish it could be different because I really want to explore our relationship. You’ve been thoughtful and generous, and you’ve told me what I need to do to be with you. But I was wrong about everything. I need to go.”

What?

She wants to leave? I’m still processing her words as she takes off. I’ve never had a woman bolt from our arrangement.

But Livianna’s always been a fucking wild card. I should’ve known something like this would play out. If she were manipulating me like she does others, I’d see it. But this isn’t that.

No, she’s terrified…of me. She’s halfway to the front door before I get my head on straight and follow her.

What the fuck did I do that triggered her?

I close the distance in ten hard strides. “Livianna, stop.”

“No, I need some air.” Her voice is thin. Her gaze, fixed somewhere far beyond me.

This situation is worse than I thought. I think she might be headed straight for a panic attack. It’s the exact opposite of what I was trying to have her experience tonight. I pushed too hard, too fast.

Fuck me!

I follow her out in silence despite wanting to demand her discipline, the words clawing at the back of my throat. Whatever she’s dealing with, I don’t want to set that off in front of a place full of people.

Once we get outside, the Paris air blankets me in warmth. Maybe it will calm Livianna. I don’t dare touch her since it seems I’m the one who created this reaction from her.

She paces along the side of the building, messing with her phone. She’s shaking so much, it’s about to fall out of her hands.

It takes a couple of seconds for me to steady myself before approaching her. She doesn’t look up from staring at her screen. I place my hand over the top, careful not to touch her since I'm the one she seems to be afraid of.

“Can we talk about this?” My tone is gentle but firm.

She raises her head, eyes wide like she’s being pulled under the surface of the ocean by a shark.

“Jax, I’m not what you want. I don’t know how to be in a box. You’ve been right all this time. Jax, I can’t… I mean… I don’t know what I should do. Just saying this to you is probably wrong.”

“Wait a minute. Take a breath, and when you’re ready, let me hold you because you leaving is the last thing I want. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

“Yes, I have. I kissed you without you telling me I could. I’m talking right now and I know that’s against the rules. And the wine… You didn’t like me drinking. Jesus, Jaxon. I don’t know how to do this. I don’t know how to be the person you want. You want?—”