Page 1 of The Jaded Notes

Chapter One

LIVIANNA/LILY

Then

Ashes & Echoes

Grief drags, regret suffocates…and some ghosts claw their way into the seat beside you.

The pews bite into my knees before I even kneel as if the church itself wants me punished. I clutch my dad’s arm, not for balance but because if I let go, I’ll splinter.

My mom is on his other arm. We huddle together, knowing this must be a terrible day for Bren and his bandmates. Most notably, Callum.

My dad ushers us to a bench halfway up the aisle. “Let’s take these.”

“That’s fine.” I peek around, wiping tears from my eyes for Callum. “There’s a bigger crowd than I would’ve expected.”

“Why?” My mom waits for me to go in first. “John was known and loved by many in the music industry.”

I nod and keep my thoughts to myself. This isn’t about what John has done to me over the years.

This is about showing my respect to Callum and his mom.No matter what happened in the past, they love him. I want to honor that.

I didn’t go to the wake because there were no words I could trust in my mouth. But being here is important.

Once we’re seated and comfortable, I glance around to see if I can spot any of Mayhem’s crew. I don’t see anyone I recognize.

I take in everything else. The air is thick with reverence for the solemn occasion. The faint scent of incense mingles with the floral aroma. The church is decorated with white lilies throughout, and I gasp.

The altar is adorned with clusters of elegant flowers. They’re arranged delicately in vases. They gleam too insistently, like they know they’re here to pierce my heart.

And they’re everywhere. They line the aisles at the end of each pew. They form a field that circles me and reminds me of the past.

What’s the significance?

I sit back and run through the possibilities. They are Callum’s favorite, so that must be the reason. It has nothing to do with me, I decide.

A gentle hush envelops the space as bells blend seamlessly with whispered prayers. Traditional Irish music filters in, the bagpipes being of particular distinction. It comes in louder, signaling the funeral procession has begun.

I turn, and a casket is being carried in by the pallbearers—Callum, Bren, Hawke, Cooper, and two men I don’t know. They’re all in black suits and white shirts with the top buttons undone. None of them are wearing a tie.

Mayhem dressed as saints without the halos. The miracle is that they left the leather at home.

The guys place the casket in front of the altar, keeping their heads down in a show of respect. They file into a row and sit.

Callum doesn’t. He strides down the aisle to the back ofthe church and ushers his mom in. They hang their heads as they make their way to the front pew.

Victoria cries and holds onto Callum. She folds into her son and comes apart in quiet pieces. My soul shatters for the man holding her up like he isn’t breaking. As eulogies and prayers are delivered, she shatters more.

My heart squeezes for her. She’s suffered so much loss. Tears sting my eyes, and my throat burns just acknowledging that her life has been hard.

It’s not just her I’m hurting for. I can’t deny the pain I feel for Callum.

It only gets worse when he stands before the crowd of mourners. How is he able to speak in front of people when he’s got to be a mess?

He’s a rockstar, Livianna. He’s used to performing.

He stands behind a podium, clears his throat, and peers out. He scans the pews and stops when our gazes connect.