Page 147 of The Bitter Words

I follow him out. “You party right along with me.”

“Sometimes, but I go days without using anything.” He laughs. “I’ll admit, I fuck as much as you do. Probably more, but I’m not in love with someone like you are.”

“Guns, I don’t know how to make it better.” I stand at the window and gaze out over New York, feeling as lost as anyone would in a city as big as this. “She’ll never forgive me.”

“What does she need to forgive you for? You set up the situation with Zara. Tell Livianna and let’s get on with living the dream instead of this nightmare we’re stuck in.”

“How are you any part of what I’m going through?” I turn and face him. “How are you in a nightmare?”

He pegs me with a hard, confronting stare. “You’re mybest friend. She’s my sister and I’m in the middle. We can have it all if you just get out of your own way.”

“How? I’m serious, Guns. Tell me how and I’ll do it.”

“First, you’re gonna tell me what’s going on with Leon. Once I have all the details, I’ll know how we can deal with it, but I can’t do that if you refuse to tell me the truth.”

I lower my head and sink further into myself. There’s no way I’ll ever discuss the hell I’m involved in.

And with that, I wonder if it’s only a matter of time before my demise.

Chapter Thirty-One

LIVIANNA/LILY

Then

Borrowed Sweatshirts & Unsteady Pulses

His fingers pause at the edge of my skin and it doesn’t feel like kindness anymore.

“Jeez, Livianna.” Jax leans over, picks up the blanket from the floor, and brings it to his lap to cover his obvious erection.

Impressive, Mr. Crowne. Very impressive.

“Sorry, to…” I glance to the side, ignoring my slight hangover. “Oh, there’s my purse.”

“I apologize for snapping at you.” He adjusts himself. “Things happen to men’s bodies when they sleep. I wasn’t out here getting?—”

“I know, Jax. It’s not like I’ve never woken up next to a man.” I venture out and sit in the chair next to the couch. “I’m surprised you’re tackling this subject upfront and as openas you are.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Maybe because you always seem to be in control.”

He squares himself and gives me his full attention. “I like keeping my emotions in check.”

“From what I gather, you’re also a private person.”

“How did you come up with that?”

My cheeks grow warm. “I will not confirm or deny that I looked you up on the internet.”

He bursts out laughing. “That’s one way of coming clean with your cyber stalking behaviors.”

“I guess.” I smile and shake my head. “Are you saying you’ve never tried to find out more about a person by searching for information about them online?”

“No, I’ve never done that. I have researchers and analysts who help me with any companies I’m thinking about investing in. As far as people I know, if I have a question about them, I’ll ask them myself.”

I relax a little. “That’s refreshing. Most people want the gossip.”