Page 144 of The Bitter Words

Why do I hurt her when I’m the reason we aren’t together?

I take out my hostility and frustration over the situation on her. She doesn’t deserve it, but I can’t stand knowing she’s been with other guys.

Every time I think about it, I want to pound my head against a concrete wall until I black out. I can’t bear to envision her with anyone else but me.

A relationship with her could never work with Leon around, but my weak heart takes hold and I text or call on impulse. Kind of like right now.

Me:I’m a shadow of myself. A ghost who wanders aimlessly in the dark of the night, searching for my other half. Won’t you shine your light on me and give me a bright path to follow? The odds are stacked against us, but I would fight for you if you asked me to.

I press send and wait. “Please answer and give me some hope, Lily. I need something to get me through the next year while we tour.”

Still nothing. I drink more and continue to swim in my agony. I send text after text.

Me:No response as always. I think you like watching mewallow in pain, but I’d rather bask in a meadow with you tight and close by my side. There, no one could touch us. Oh, what a dream. I’m sorry I was so mean. It leaves me ashamed.

Me:I know I said I’m moving on but we both know that won’t happen. I miss your smell, your soft skin, your laugh. Fuck, Lily, I miss everything about you. Tell me how to make it up to you. Tell me you still love me like I love you.

Me:Wait for me, vixen. Please wait for me to fix this. Never forget I love you.

After some time passes, I lay my head on my pillow. It’s past midnight where she is and I’m sure she’s found someone to share the night with.

At least it’s not that Casey dude I saw her with. It’s torture to know he works for her. It’s worse to know he’s fallen in love with her. I have solace, though.

She ended it with him as soon as he said the words and now his heart is broken, too. I can’t say I don’t understand how it happened. Once you’re under her spell, it’s impossible to escape her witchy powers.

How do I know all this information about her love life? Leon. Who else?

He has fun digging up information about her and feeding it to me when I least expect it. Like when we’re in the middle of recording and I’m passing him in the hallway.

Maybe he thinks it makes me perform the songs with more emotion. It’s likely that and more.

He enjoys putting me in my place when he can’t have me the way he really wants. With that thought, I roll over and go to sleep.

I stalk into Leon’s office with my defenses up and ready to fight. This is the last time he’ll have his way with me.

I’m twenty-one now and should be able to get out of this hell once and for all. I’ll eliminate him if I have to.

His security guard pushes the door open and waits for me to step in. As soon as I do, he stays on the outside of the room and locks it with a key.

Leon is in my direct line of sight, with his crisp white shirt unbuttoned and black tailored pants hanging low on his hips. His belt is already off and he’s ready to go.

There’s a difference in this particular meeting. He’s not alone. My throat closes and my muscles tighten. I’m not prepared for this.

Three men who seem to be between forty and fifty years old are with him, lined up, shirts untucked, and smiling at me.

Leon lifts a short glass of an amber liquid. “Cash, welcome. I have something special for you tonight.”

“Fuck off.” My heart pounds. “I’m not here to relent.”

He bursts out a sinister laugh and the men follow suit. I’m not backing down even if it means I have to take on all these motherfuckers.

“You’re so cute when you get feisty.” He takes a step toward me. “How many times do we have to have this spat? You know how it ends.”

“I’m not drinking anything today. It will be different.” I square my shoulders.

Leon gives a nod and the wind is knocked out of my lungs as I land face first on the ground. Two huge men have me pinned down.

Leon crouches to my level. “I knew you were planning to be defiant from the last time you were with me. You keep screwing up, stupid boy.”