He reached out and gently but firmly gripped the back of her neck. “You are not going anywhere.”
“Don’t think you can handle me the way you handled Oliver,” she shot back. “That was unnecessary, by the way. I grew up with him. He’s teasing me.”
“Have you ever played with him?” Jealousy was a real thing, and it thudded in his chest. The thought of Kenzie with that overly privileged player made him damn near see red.
“No,” she replied. “This show of jealousy doesn’t make a lot of sense.”
“I think it makes perfect sense, princess,” he shot back.
She shook her head and broke his hold with a twist of her body, reminding him she was well trained. “Don’t call me that.”
“You are a princess,” he replied.
“You don’t mean it in a nice way. I get it. I hurt you and you’re getting a little of your own back, but I’m not going to comply because I feel bad.”
She was supposed to be the easy one, but there was a lot of complexity that got missed when compared to her far more difficult sister. “Do you? Feel bad?”
“I hate that it hurt you, but this is the job. I didn’t exactly meet Ben Parker in that bar in Sydney.”
“Oh, you didn’t meet me at all, baby. Your twin did.” He had more questions. It was odd. Now that they were alone again, he felt more himself. It was impossible to shut down when he was alone with her. When all the stress of her family and their jobs melted away, he felt for her. She was the only person in the world who genuinely made him feel again, and he wasn’t sure if he loved her for it or hated her. “Why did you come the second day? Did you switch off days?”
She crossed her arms over her chest, a defensive move. “Not at all. She was supposed to play Kara for the entire Australian op. I tried to steal the role any time I knew you would be there. I watched you through Lou’s glasses and I wanted to be near you. It was pretty much love at first sight for me, but I get it now. It was always a job for you.”
He sighed, genuinely confused. “Baby, I was trying to be professional around your dad. I honestly don’t know how to deal with this. I was so fucking angry with you for running into the line of fire. I wanted to pull your pants down right then and there and slap your ass silly, but how can I punish you for doing your job? Honestly, I worry about using the word punishment at all.”
Her shoulders relaxed slightly. “It would have been better to do that than ignore me.”
“I can’t ignore you, Kenz. How can I ignore someone I think about twenty-four seven? All day. You’re in my head. At night you’re in my dreams. The good ones. The bad ones. You’re there and you have been since that day at the hotel.”
“I don’t know if I can trust you,” she said quietly.
He took a deep breath and tried to figure out how his younger self would handle her. He’d been confident once. He’d been the guy who could get any girl, though he hadn’t tried. He’d genuinely been happier in a relationship than he had when he played the field. It’s just that the most important relationships of his life went so very wrong.
So when he’d met a woman he thought was extraordinary, he’d basked in her attention and gave her nothing of himself.
He’d been more open with actual targets of a mission than he’d been with this woman who seemed to be the center of his world for the last year or so.
He reached for her hand, and this time she didn’t step back. He’d gone from professional mode, since her father had been sitting there, to violent, jealous asshole mode and given her none of his tenderness. None of his charm.
He was still reeling but he needed to get his ass under control. She was important to this delicate state of his mission.
She was important to him.
Could he find that part of himself? Would looking for it make some kind of a difference because he was starting to wonder if anything would matter at the end of this op if he didn’t come out of it with her.
He let his whole body soften. “You can trust me not to hurt you. I never have and I never would.”
“I was hurt today,” she insisted.
He pulled her into his arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m struggling to figure out how to handle this. I care about you. I’m still upset that you lied to me, but I’m wrapping my head around why. I can’t stay away from you, but I also can’t toss out everything that happened between us. Can we take a day or two and try to figure out how to be together?”
“I can’t if you’re going to go cold on me any time you’re confused or feel vulnerable.” She held herself apart.
He didn’t like the space between them. “I don’t remember how to be comfortable being vulnerable. I’m not even all that close to Tim. I call him my friend, but we don’t hang out. We don’t tell each other anything important. The closest I’ve come in years to a real friend is Dare.”
“Dare is your friend.” She softened and her arms went around him.
He could smell her shampoo and feel the warmth of her skin. If she was playing him in that moment, he didn’t want to know. He wanted her comfort to be real. “He was Brian Peters’ friend. I’m afraid he’s just starting to know me. If I even know who the fuck I am anymore.”
