Lou appeared and seemed to feel the gravity between them. She gave Ben a nod and a half smile and took the thumb drive. “I’ll be back with a copy.”
She turned and walked in the house.
How many people were watching them now?
She moved behind the willow, pulling him to a spot where she knew the cameras wouldn’t catch them. “What do you think you’re missing?”
“I want to know what you mean when you talk about your submissive part.” His jaw was tight as he said the words. The moonlight caressed him, the shadows painting his gorgeous face in stark lines. “All I’ve seen is the part that wants to tell a man what to do.”
Kala. Though that wasn’t what she was trying to do. Kala needed control. Kenzie required something else. “It doesn’t matter whether you believe me or not, but I’ve never topped a man. There’s a part of me that longs to submit, to find a lover I trust so much I’ll kneel at his feet and let him treat me like a sweet fuck toy.”
She heard him groan.
“I dream about having hours and hours where I don’t have to be in control, where I don’t have to worry about anything but making my Master happy.” She could hear the stupid longing in her own words. “Where I can be naked and never once worry he’ll use it against me because I’m his and he would never allow anyone to hurt me. Not even him. That’s what I wish I could get, but I’m starting to think it’s nothing more than a pipedream.”
“I don’t know.” The words came out gravelly, as though he had toforce himself to speak. “You said Dare and Tash are happy.”
“They aren’t us,” she replied with a bittersweet sigh. It felt good to be here with him in the moonlight, but they had such little time and he was… She wouldn’t call him the enemy, but he couldn’t feel the same way about her and do what he’d done to Lou.
Her father was right.
“You think we don’t get a happy ending?” Ben asked.
“Not with each other.”
His hand found her wrist, and he drew her in. “I don’t know that I accept that. Fuck all, Maggie. Half the time I want to murder you and the other half all I want to do is lay you out and feast on you. I want to get into bed with you, and I don’t think I’ll ever get out. Tell me you don’t love Cooper McKay.”
Every word went straight to the wistful girl part of her that longed for him. “I don’t love Cooper. Not the way you mean.”
He was so close. He towered over her, and she was wearing heels. “I don’t want to never know, Maggie. I can’t never know.”
Her breath caught as she realized he was leaning over. He was going to kiss her. He was going to plant his lips on hers, and then she would know, too. She would know if there was any way this could work. Even for a little while. Even if they had to keep it secret.
Just one secret that could be hers and hers alone.
She could feel the warmth of his breath and…
“Here’s your copy. Tell Joseph I said hello.”
Her father. She stepped back, the moment broken.
Ben stepped away, though the frown on his face let her know he wasn’t happy about the interruption. He took the new drive. “I hope it’s all here.”
Her father’s brows drew together. “I’ll give you that one because of what’s happened in the past, but I would also suggest if you don’t trust my team, perhaps you should find another to work with. You’ve done it before.”
“Yes, and we know how that worked out,” Ben said enigmatically. He glanced over at her. “Why don’t you go change and I’ll take you out for a late supper? I think we should talk more.”
It was everything she wanted. And nothing she could have. She couldn’t simply date the man. She’d figured out a long time ago that she could have stolen moments with him or she could be all in, andthere was nothing in between. That was wrong. There was this thing they had now. Purgatory. This was her sexual purgatory. Always close but never once getting properly dicked down. Hell, half the time her twin was actively trying to separate this man from his penis. So maybe she should throw herself into being his booty call. Wouldn’t that be better than this awful place they found themselves in? At least they would know.
Before she could open her mouth to turn him down her father was speaking again.
“The team is moving to London tonight,” her dad said. “We pull out of here in thirty. Good luck, Parker.”
Ben turned and walked away without another word.
Kenzie took a long breath and forced herself to go numb.
It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except the mission. She’d signed up for this, and she wasn’t going to cry about it now.
