“No, you’ll kill Manny and then be left with an aching void. You’ll have to figure out who you are without him defining your life. I know you’re going to hate me saying this, but therapy helps.”
“I don’t need fucking therapy,” he said, his hands in fists before he seemed to realize what he was doing. He took a deep breath, as though forcing himself to calm down. “Kenzie, I’m not crazy.”
“It’s not about being crazy.” If he didn’t even understand that, he wasn’t close to getting to the heart of the problem. “It’s about talking through your feelings. They’re complex.”
“There is nothing complex about how I feel about Huisman. I hate him. It’s quite simple.” There was a darkness in his eyes that frightened her. Not that he would physically harm her. Despite the bruises on her wrist, she wasn’t afraid of Ben Parker.
She was afraid for him. But he didn’t want to hear that.
“I was talking about your feelings for me.” He’d gone straight to Huisman because when it came to feelings, his old friend seemed to get the lion’s share.
His face fell. “They’re not complex either. Baby, I want you. I want you so much I sometimes can’t think of anything else. I’ve told you I’ll give you everything you want. I’ll say all the I love yous and I’ll give you grand gestures and make your life a damn rom com if you’ll wait for me to figure this whole thing out.”
“Because all I want is the grand gestures, right?” She’d been such an idiot to think he’d really seen her, really known her. “I want life to be like a movie so I don’t ever have to do any hard work or tax my brain.”
“I didn’t say that.” The words came out in a soft tone, no hint of offense. “I know how smart you are. I know how hard you work. I’m struggling here, Kenz. I’m trying to give you what you need.”
“Did you think I worked for Huisman?”
“No.” He said it with a sigh. “I didn’t mean most of what I said last night. I was angry and Manny spun me up. Then I felt ashamed because everyone is right. I should have put that together. I’m still upset about it. But I know you’re not working with him. I’m sorry. I will try to keep my temper from now on.”
He was so close. It wouldn’t work without therapy. He might learn to shove the anger down, but it would be there. Waiting to explode. She was about to explain that to him when his cell buzzed.
He pulled it out and his jaw went tight.
Huisman.
Her gut twisted. “Don’t answer it.”
“He’s not calling. It’s a text.” His fingers moved across the screen. “Naturally. I have to deal with this.”
Panic flared. “You have to call Joseph or wait for my dad. I’ll call him now.”
He walked out, not giving her a backward glance.
* * * *
If you want to know the truth, come to Café Orleans. There’s a laptop with all the information you need to find out about what truly happened that day.
Kenzie called out after him. He knew what she would want and knew she wouldn’t listen to him.
He briefly thought about taking her as backup but discarded the idea. He would never put her in Huisman’s way if he had the choice. Never. Tim. He needed Tim.
That day. That day. It flooded his brain, tuning out everything else.
He strode down the hall, trying not to think about the attachment that came through.
It was impossible. The “photograph” Manny sent was burned in his brain now. The one that sent him back to “that day.” The one where his world fell apart.
He’d stood there after the doctor declared Deanna dead, and Manny had chuckled and shown himself truly for the first time.
It’s better this way, Benjamin. She wasn’t worthy of either of us, and now you can concentrate on something more intellectual than tossing a ball around. Now you can come with me and change the world.
He’d punched Manny right then and there and told him to never contact him again.
You’ll regret this, Benjamin. You’re the only friend I have in the world. Do you really want to be my enemy?
Deanna Fisher.
