“Locker room is probably best.” Lou grabbed a file folder. “The Internet is good in there, and no one will need to bleach their eyes if I mistakenly have the nanites fall off your body.” She grinned suddenly, an inventor on the verge of a breakthrough. “Actually, that’s kind of what I’m trying to do. To get them to separate but in a super-controlled manner. It’s exciting.”
She’d worn that experimental suit the day she and Ben had first made…first had sex. Maybe that day was where it had all gone wrong.
“Come with us,” Kala offered, joining Lou at the door. “It’s going to be dead down here because everyone’s out of the building but the Canadians. Ollie’s at his club dealing with contractors. Sami and Lucifer are on their way to France, and Coop and TJ are getting ready for us to move out. The ’rents are at MI6 headquarters meeting with the big boss. You’ll end up hanging with Tim if you’re not careful. Or worse. Sosa might show up and ask an infernal amount of questions.”
“Don’t worry about Tim,” Lou said. “He’s sick. I asked if he wanted in on the experiment, but apparently he ate something he shouldn’t have last night, and let me tell you, you do not want to walk into his bathroom.”
She was suddenly glad she hadn’t tried the pizza. “I’m good here. I think I could use the quiet. I want to finish this before we have to leave. Not a lot of Internet in the woods.”
“And that’s why we like it.” Kala gave her a wink. “Lou and I will drag you to lunch. I want some fish and chips before we go.”
It would be nice. She would sit by the Thames and have a pint and some fish and chips and simply be.
That was what she needed to work on. Being. She sometimes found it hard to sit with her own feelings. It was easier to turn the world into a soap opera, but this time it was serious, and she wouldn’t move on if she didn’t deal with the hollowness she felt.
She didn’t have to have any plan beyond taking some time. In the past she would throw herself into anything else to distract her, but her feelings for Ben deserved time and attention.
“Are you willing to talk to me this morning or are you planning on pretending I don’t exist?”
She steeled herself because Ben was in the doorway. He looked worse for the wear. Tired. She wanted to run to him and stroke his hair and make him get back in bed. She would cuddle him while he slept.
He wasn’t hers to take care of.
She plastered what she hoped was a steady smile on her face. “It’s fine. What do you need? I’m finishing up the property reports. I’ll send them to you and the team this afternoon.”
“I’m not talking about the op, Kenzie.” His eyes were on her, and despite his obvious state of weariness, there was a predatory gleam to them.
Her whole body responded, but she wasn’t giving in now. “I think we should keep this professional. I’m willing to talk to you about anything having to do with the mission.”
“Except you’re running away from the mission.”
“Well, it’s not my mission, is it?” Kenzie mused. “It’s yours. I’m a distraction. When I’m gone, you’ll be able to one hundred percent focus on Huisman.”
He frowned. “I’m getting sick of your family trying to turn this into some kind of romance between me and Manny. It’s cruel when you think about it.”
She didn’t want to argue with him. She was tired, too, and had so many miles to go before she slept. “Then it’s a good thing you don’thave to worry about my cruelty again. Ben, I’ll be gone in a day or two. Can you leave me alone? I don’t want a scene. I don’t want a fight. I want to do my job and leave with some dignity.”
He was quiet for a moment. “And you said you loved me. Well, it’s good to know I was right about that.”
She stood and picked up her laptop. Lucy’s room had killer Internet and a lock. She would use both. “Yes, it’s good you know what a lying whore I am.”
She started to move past him, but he reached out and grabbed her wrist.
The one with all the bruises. She winced, and the laptop slipped from her hand.
Ben let her go like she was made of fire. “I’m sorry. I forgot.”
So some of his bravado was performative. That made her feel somewhat better. At least he wasn’t a complete jerk. “It’s fine. It’s not that bad, but I would appreciate it if you would stop grabbing me.”
She started for the door.
“Kenzie, please talk to me. I don’t know what I did. I understand that I didn’t handle you saying those words well.”
She bit back a sigh. “It’s okay. I’ll be okay and so will you.”
“If you love me, how can you walk away? Make me understand it.”
Was he really this dumb? She asked the question mentally and answered it the same way. Yes. He was male and hadn’t figured out that feelings should be handled with something more than a gun or a bottle of Scotch. It was hard sometimes to date because her family was so open to talking, hell-bent on ending the idea that their sons didn’t deserve the same examined lives their daughters did. That they couldn’t feel sorrow, only rage. That anger and lust were the only acceptable emotions for a man to feel.
