It was out of a sense of duty that he left Hertfordshire last November, intent on forgetting Elizabeth. It was instilled into his head, heart and soul from as early as he could remember that his duty to his family, his social standing, his estate, and his legacy was the most important thing.
He had been a selfish being all his life, in practice though not in principal. As a child he was taught what was right but he was not taught to correct his temper. He was given good principalsbut left to follow them in pride and conceit. He was spoiled by his parents, who though good themselves, allowed him, almost encouraged him to be selfish and overbearing; to care for none beyond his own family circle, to think meanly of all the rest of the world.
He was encouraged to think meanly of their sense and worth compared with his own... and he had done that most faithfully when it came to the Bennets. Especially Elizabeth, for she knew how low an opinion he had of her family.
Now he was properly humbled – it came to him that he had assumed that Elizabeth would receive his addresses with pleasure, would accept him without hesitation. Suddenly he realised how lacking he was in her eyes, how insufficient were all his pretences to please a woman, that rare woman worthy of being pleased.
He would go to Netherfield, but not immediately. He would go first to Pemberley to see to his sister’s comfort and then, after the summer he would dedicate himself to wooing Elizabeth as she deserved.
His mind was made up, Elizabeth deserved his all: his effort, his love, his time, his heart. But he could not go now and feel divided and guilty for abandoning his sister once again.
August! At the end of August he would throw himself at her feet... but now all he could do was pray that some more deserving man would not beat him to her heart first.
Chapter 19
Elizabeth tried to find pleasure in her old interests back home after Jane and she arrived from Kent. But for some reason nothing felt the same. She was discontented.
She was constantly preoccupied. Her old delight of long walks and time spent in the still-room seemed to have abandoned her.
Her sister Jane was deeply in love and so Mr Bingley monopolised all her time. Somehow Elizabeth had lost the joy of life as well as losing her sister... but she could not resent her sister’s happiness, for she herself had suffered long enough.
Summer finally arrived and Elizabeth’s spirits rose as she anticipated an upcoming tour of the Lake District with her Uncle and Aunt Gardiner. But until then she still had to endure Lydia’s ill humour, since their father refused to oblige her and follow the Militia to Brighton.
But as usual the day arrived on which Lydia won her cause by constant whining and wearing her parents down. She had received an invitation from the wife of the Colonel of the regiment and Mr Bennet relented, finally letting her go.
Elizabeth was exasperated with her father as he explained his reasons, “Lydia will never be easy until she has exposed herself in some public place or other. And we can never expect her to do it with so little expense or inconvenience to her family as under the present circumstances.”
“If you were aware Father of the great disadvantages to us all which must arise from Lydia’s unguarded and imprudent manner, no, which has already arisen from it, I am sure you would judge differently.”
“Already arisen?” Mocked Mr Bennet, “Has she frightened away some of your lovers Lizzy?”
Elizabeth flattened her lips in annoyance, “You are mistaken Father, I have no injuries to report. But you must be aware that Lydia’s wild behaviour and lack of restraint will eventually catch up with the family. Our very respectability in the world will be affected, her family will be made ridiculous and she will involve all her sisters in her disgrace.”
Mr Bennet noticed how passionate Elizabeth sounded and tried to curb his desire to laugh at her and the situation. “Do not make yourself uneasy my love, wherever you and Jane are known you must be respected and valued. And you will not appear to less advantage for having a couple of very silly sisters.”
“I am disheartened Father, to see how little you care. If you do not take the trouble to correct my silly sisters’ behaviour, their character will be fixed and soon be beyond any improvement. They are ignorant, they lack any wisdom and all they have in their little empty heads is flirtation.” Elizabeth said hotly, “If Lydia already behaves imprudently within the company of one Militia, what do you think she will be like with a camp full of soldiers?”
Mr Bennet was getting tired of being chastised by his own daughter and soon put an end to the tiresome conversation, “No Lizzy, we shall have no peace at Longbourn if Lydia does not go to Brighton. Let her go. Colonel Foster is a sensible man and he will keep her out of any mischief. If we are lucky she will see her own insignificance, as I am sure there will be more deserving ladies in Bright to attract the officers’ notice. She might comeback to us reformed.” Mr Bennet chuckled and opening his book, dismissed Elizabeth.
Elizabeth left her father’s book room reeling. She had no injuries to relate to her father regarding her sister’s behaviour but Mr Darcy’s censure and words haunted her,I must say that the situation of your mother’s family, though objectionable, was nothing compared to the total want of propriety so frequently, almost uniformly betrayed by herself, your three younger sisters and occasionally, even your father.
Mr Darcy had advised his friend to stay away from the family because their behaviour was alarmingly inappropriate, among other reasons. They had already frightened away some of their lovers but Mr Bennet was determined to merely laugh about it. Elizabeth felt defeated and sad.
The following week, the Militia left Meryton, but not before the officers were invited to dine at Longbourn. Elizabeth was alarmed to see how familiar Lydia behaved with them all fuelled by the encouragement she received from Mrs Foster, who seemed equally immature even in the presence of her older and quieter husband.
Elizabeth breathed a silent prayer of gratitude to Providence that Wickham was no longer among them; for she could not doubt that Lydia’s ruin would have been inevitable, had such a man continued to spread his poisonous charm. The recollection of his easy address and of the fatal ease with which it had captivated nearly every young woman in the neighbourhood - her beloved Jane alone resisting it - pressed heavily upon her spirits. That she herself had been the most ardent advocate of his pretensions; that she had listened with willing credulity to his falsehoods; and that, by her own unguarded warmth, she had contributed to excite a general indignation against Mr. Darcy. These reflections wounded her with a severity no external reproach could have equalled.
She had offered an apology to Mr Darcy for her transgressions against him yet he had waved it away, placing the blame squarely on his own shoulders. But she could not dismiss her own part in the affair. Her open approbation of Mr Wickham had fuelled his purpose to disparage Mr Darcy to the neighbourhood and bring him harm. No, she could not forgive herself so easily. She wanted to castigate herself and she felt that Lydia was the one who would eventually pay the price for Elizabeth’s lack of discernment, her father’s disinterest, her mother’s desperate fears as well as Lydia’s own foolishness and immaturity.
Chapter 20
London 15thof June 1812
My dear Niece,
I trust that you partake in the same lively anticipation which animates us at the prospect of our northern excursion next month. Yet I must acquaint you with intelligence of a less agreeable nature. Your Uncle Gardiner finds himself unable to command the full eight weeks of leisure first intended; we must therefore content ourselves with five weeks only, and relinquish all expectation of penetrating so far as the Lakes District.
Still, I entreat you not to allow this disappointment to dampen your spirits. Derbyshire alone affords beauties sufficient to reward the most inquisitive traveller, and I confess I feel a particular pleasure in the hope of revisiting my own little town of Lambton, a place which is ever associated in my mind with the happiest recollections of youth.
