I haven't seen them since I stuffed my thrift-store suitcase in the car, left this town in my rear-view mirror, and no one, not even Jovi, can know that they were the reason I couldn't breathe half the time growing up.
Not only were they way too cool for me, Axl and Phoenix were my best friend’s older brothers. They never saw me as anything more than their younger sister’s best friend. And Zane? Well… wherever Axl and Phoenix went, he followed, and I never stood a chance. Though something in me still craved them anyway. Never wanting one without the other. I know, I know… it sounds greedy, even to me. But I’ve never been the kind of woman my parents wanted me to be. I am flawed, I am different, and I wanted them all to myself.
Growing up, I would hang out in Jovi’s kitchen, pretending to help her with homework while secretly memorizing every crooked smile, every laugh, and every fleeting glance with her brothers that I probably almost always read way too much into.
Not exactly my proudest moment. I was borderline obsessed with them. Then again, so was half the school. Even if their love looked different to everyone else, they always had a silent fan in me. Nobody ever understood them like I did, though they’ll never know any of this.
Who knows where they are now, or what their lives look like. In the three times I’ve been back to Blue Riversince moving away, I haven’t run into them. Jovi doesn’t talk about Zane or her brothers, and I’ve never had the nerve to ask. Some things are easier to leave buried, and I sure as fuck don’t want anyone thinking I’ve been pining after them since high school.
Jovi: OMG, Babe! I am so sorry.
Jovi: I’m stuck in traffic.
Jovi: The snow is bullshit, and I don’t know how long I’ll be.
Jovi: Still in traffic. I'm bumper to bumper on the highway. Just go in without me. Find a guy and fuck his brains out until I get there.
Jovi: Shi. I am so sorry. I'm not going to make it! Please try to have fun. I love you, xo.
“You've got to be fucking kidding me!” I stare down at my best friend’s text messages, my stomach sinking a little at the thought of seeing our favorite band without her. If I had known she wasn’t going to be here, I probably would have stayed home because music is our thing. Though if I’m being honest, I am kind of glad I didn’t. The alternative to being out was to stay at the house with my parents and sit through one of theirlectures about how I’d somehow managed to screw things up with Cam. So, yeah. It could be worse.
“Ma’am?” A deep voice cuts through my thoughts, and I drag my gaze from my phone to the guy standing at the door, one gloved hand holding a ticket scanner, the other an admissions stamp.Oh, right.
The cold bites through my body as I step into the glow of the neon entrance, and all I can think about is the warmth on the other side of that door. I reach into my coat pocket, pull out my backstage pass, as well as my ticket, and hold them up for the door guy to scan.
Maybe Jovi is right.
Maybe I should just find a guy and blow off some steam. God fucking knows that I haven't had an orgasm since I got with Cam two years ago.
Well… of course I've had an orgasm. Though it would be nice not to have to orchestrate the damn thing myself. Fuck it. I'm doing it. I may as well give the town gossipers something new to talk about.
When in Rome and all that jazz.
I'm going to go in there, meet my favorite band of all time, and lose myself in a complete stranger. One that makes me forget the ghosts of my past that still haunt the corners of my mind. Reminding me of all the things that could've been, but never were. Because let’s face it, those three ghosts only belong to me in ways no one outside my dreams will ever know, and to them, I’ll only ever be their sister’s best friend.
CHAPTER 2
PHOENIX
DECK THE HALLS WITH NERVOUS BAND ENERGY
“How hard isit for people to answer their fucking phones!” my manager Travis barks, bursting backstage like the place is on fire. The door slams against the wall, the crack of it like a hammer to my skull, still throbbing from last night’s welcome home party. A dull, relentless reminder that being back in my hometown, surrounded by old friends from high school, was bound to cause a little harmless chaos.
Axl doesn’t flinch. He’s stretched out on the couch, holding hands with our boyfriend, Zane, both just as hungover as I am. Axl doesn’t spare Travis a single glance, not giving a fuck that we’re about four hours away from being snowed in, which is typical of my brother.
He and Zane are having a moment before we go onstage, while Travis looks like he’s one missed call away from a damn heart attack.
“If we're not in Florida in six days, the label will have our fuckin’ heads,” Travis snaps, his jaw locked tight as he paces backstage like a madman with his phone glued to his ear.
“Then they’d better aim high, and make it count,” Axl mutters, leaning forward to grab his bass. He starts to tune it, and the low, muted hum of strings cuts through all this negative tension in the room.
“Relax, Travis,” Zane murmurs, his voice smooth like velvet, and it only does naughty things to my cock.Now is not the time for that.“We can’t control the weather any more than our label can afford to lose us. We make them way too much fucking money,” Zane says before reaching up to run his fingers through Axl’s hair, grounding each other in the quiet before we’re caught up in the madness of the fans and the stage.
We're six months into our tour, and somehow, the one gig that was meant to be the smallest and easiest—the hometown show our sister threw together—has turned into a full-blown clusterfuck. Jovi is MIA, the snow’s rolling in fast, and we’ve got a bar full of locals prepared to wait two hours for a set we’ll have to cut in half so they can get home before the snowstorm hits. They’ve been dying to hear us play since Stone Cold made it big, and when Jovi suggested it, the guys and I said yes without hesitation.
“You fuckers ready?” I shout over my shoulder, walking over to the curtain at the side of the stage.
“Christ.Look like you actually want to be here, for fuck’s sake. You’re the assholes who dragged me all the way out here! Now. This might be your hometown, but don’t think for a second that these people wouldn’t sell your pictures to the media the minute they leave this shithole bar, so do not take your masks off! Also, stay the fuck away from the local pussy.”
